Hello my dear,

Last week I shared some thoughts with you on visitors after birth and I have a little more to share with you on that topic today.

Babies Benefit When Visitation is Limited

Babies need to be protected from the potential of getting sick when they're newborns, and this requires a curtailing of visitors. Welcome a few people to help you, but keep the mother and baby’s needs at the fore. Some babies withdraw when overstimulated, they just kind of check out.

It’s more difficult to achieve the peace and quiet required for optimal bonding while in the hospital. There is simply too much stimulus and too many people in and out of the room.

Limiting these early interactions helps the baby to focus on the mother, father, siblings, and in some instances grandparents or dear friends. I always get the siblings up in the bed and put the baby in their arms. The sibling’s bond is very important, and it's biochemical as well as intellectual and emotional. This early connection helps to form their bond and helps the older sibling to feel more connected and responsible for the new little baby .

Set Your Boundaries in Advance

Many of the people wanting to meet the baby as soon as possible simply need to be enlightened about how important these early days are. This is an opportunity to be clear that this is not about them; this is not about their needs or their desires; this is about what's best for the baby the mother and the family.

Once the information is shared clearly with them, if they don't understand it’s because they're not seeking understanding, they're only seeking to meet their own needs. It’s vital that you be clear and direct. You might say, “I know you love me and want what’s best for me. I’m going to require that you wait until we are ready and reach out to you before you come to meet our new baby.” You may need to be more forceful or less, depending on your relationship with the person in question and what kind of language you need to use in order for them to hear you.

Speak clearly and firmly but with love and not waver.

Keep Your Boundaries Strong

Clear communication as described above is really helpful to undertake before baby arrives. Afterward it’s just as important to hold your boundaries. Here are some strategies to help with that:

• Leave an informative voice mail message letting people know vital details about the birth and let them know you’ll be in touch when you and baby are ready to let a few more people into baby’s world. Then, power your phone off.
• Put a notice on the front door that provides the vital information about mom and baby with a sign-up sheet for visitation. Indicate you’ll be in touch when visiting hours are available.
• Put a sign over the doorbell asking that it not be used (baby is sleeping!)
• Don’t answer the door for unscheduled visitors.

Most important is the rock-solid belief that you and your new family deserve this time together to begin the lifelong relationship and journey you are setting out on together. This is especially difficult for new parents, who often feel uncertain in this new life. They may not know until they are already on the parenting path exactly what it is they do need in terms of support and boundaries.

Regardless, communicating from a calm place and with love is very helpful in making sure everyone’s needs are met.

***

Blessings and light,

MariMikel

P.S.: To those of you who hit "reply" last week and let me know how you're doing, I'm so grateful that you reached out (and you should have a personal reply from me by now). If you haven't yet done so, please click "reply" and let me know where you are at on your pregnancy journey. I'd love to be able to provide excellent advice for where you are now.