Hello my dear,

While some of you are new here, it's been a while since I've checked in with many of you. How are you doing? Where are you on your conception/pregnancy/birth/postpartum journey right now? I'd love to have an idea of what kinds of things to share with you going forward.

Please hit reply and send me a quick note to tell me what's new with you, where you're at in your pregnancy journey, and, if you want to go the extra mile, let me know what you're hungry to hear about when it comes to pregnancy, birth, and the fourth trimester/postpartum period.

This week I was asked to share some information about having visitors during the early days after birth and thought I'd pass on some of those thoughts with you.

Why should I limit visitation after the birth?

The incredible bonding period that occurs after birth is absolutely essential to the organization of the human brain—both the mother’s and baby’s—and the initiation of attachment and connection. Bonding is much more critical than we have realized in the modern world. The time that the mother and baby spend together unhindered by other interactions and distractions is absolutely critical to the process of bonding.

When we have lots of visitors after the birth we, as the social beings that we are, want to be cordial and interact with our friends and family who have unknowingly intruded on the bonding space. This takes away from the time that the mother and baby spend memorizing each other's faces, connecting on deeper soul levels as well as emotional, intellectual, and physical levels. This is magical time, and we don't as a culture do a proper job of respecting the importance of this time. While the first few hours and days are critically important, I believe this initial bonding period lasts closer to two to four weeks. If you are distracted with others you will not be able to do the work that your ancient biology needs during this crucial period.

Can limiting visitation after the birth affect my health as a new mother?

The survival of our species depended upon the mother-infant bond. In the early bonding period an ancient connection happens in the brain to ensure that the mother will provide everything the baby needs, sacrificing whatever is necessary to ensure the safety, comfort, and survival of her baby.

I ask the women I help to stay in bed with their baby for two full weeks after the birth, and have found almost no postpartum depression (PPD) among my clients. They certainly have emotional ups and downs, but they do not experience the terrible depression that occurs far too commonly for women in our modern medical landscape.

I believe this lack of PPD in my clients is because they are allowed the time to quietly and uninterruptedly connect with their baby and to rest. Birth is much more demanding on the mother in every way—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually—than we give credit for. It is a superhuman endeavor that requires concentrated rest and not a lot of external stimulus in order to recover from it in an optimal way. 

Do other people have the right to visit me?

I don't believe that anybody has the right to visit, but I do find that most families need help after the birth. You are being challenged by the metabolic and emotional/spiritual requirements at the end of pregnancy birth and in the postpartum period where bonding, initiating breastfeeding, and recuperating from the birth are so critical. The baby is immunologically helpless in the first few weeks after the birth and needs time to develop their immunity.

It can be distracting to the baby to have lots of people interacting with them when they really need to bond with mom. However, women do need support and help after the birth, and if they have family or friends that can bring food or come and clean, cook, do laundry, or take care of other kids … these are incredible blessings. But holding the baby is a job that should be reserved for mom, her partner, and possibly siblings. Visitors shouldn’t be holding the baby unless the mother needs to sleep and somebody needs to hold the baby for her to nap. That is also a blessing.

It’s helpful to have a guide—a good midwife or postpartum doula—to help navigate these rough waters, but again no one has the right to be there, they do have the opportunity to really benefit the new family through their support and help.

I recommend interactions in the first few weeks be limited to a very few, very helpful people. 

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I'll share the rest of my thoughts from this exchange next week! Until then, I hope you are doing well, staying warm, hydrated, and nourished, and seeking your glimmers of joy wherever you can find them.

Blessings and light,

MariMikel

TL;DR: Hit reply and let me know how you're doing, and limit visitation after birth!

PS - The Book of Birth, Volume I is now available!