A Story's Fatal Flaw

I recently completed a story and very proudly sent it off to some Beta readers (people who read and provide comments on a story's content). One wrote back, "your main character does something really stupid and spoils the whole thing." My ego was crushed, but the reader was right. I'd committed a major sin that in literary circles is called making my character "too stupid to live" (TSTL). If you've ever seen the Geico insurance commercial where the girl suggests hiding behind the chainsaws to escape a killer instead of getting into the running car, that's a humorous take on the scene in every slasher film where someone goes off on their own and, of course, meets a bloody end. You almost think they deserve it because they are TSTL.

I was so caught up in putting the character in peril (so they could get out and save the day), I failed to see I was making them TSTL It took some time to rewrite the second half of the story, but I had to do it to make the character smart and in control. The next time someone goes off on their own in a movie or book, ask yourself if they, too, are TSTL, or was their motivation for making that decision a true choice that, while it put them in danger, was the most compelling option despite the risk.

Book Fairs and Giveaways

Gear your Middle Grader up for summer reading with tales of adventure, mystery, or coming of age that will keep them engaged. Check them all out here.

More than fifty books that will send chills and thrills while on the beach, in the mountains, or enjoying a staycation this summer! The promotion runs from May 22 to July 5. Check them all out here after May 22.

Dead bodies and detectives abound in this collection of murder mysteries. Match wits with all sorts of detectives and sleuths as they solve these whodunnits. Available after May 20 and ends June 30 here.

Elvis Has Left the Building

Conclusion

The story so far: In 1968 Dallas, struggling lawyer Charlie Davidson takes on a case for Kandy Kane, a nightclub dancer claiming her boss, Vincent Devereaux, owes her six months of pay. While investigating at the Lone Star Lounge, Charlie discovers rising tension between Devereaux and performer Billy Ray Anderson. Moments later, Charlie finds Billy Ray murdered backstage, strangled with one of his signature scarves. As Detective Jack Matthews investigates, Kandy reveals she and Billy Ray were secretly engaged and expecting a baby. Charlie eventually realizes the killer is likely Darlene, one of Billy Ray’s obsessed female fans, whose jealousy may have driven her to murder.

Remember: This and other mysteries are available in Trouble in Texas, from the North Dallas Sisters in Crime, available here.

Using the one-way mirror on the wall, she patted her bee-hive and adjusted her bow, hoping someone was on the other side and recognized her highly honed deductive skills. She knew she was right. It all fit the timeline. 

Before she could express her satisfaction, Kandy stood and motioned to Charlie to push away from the table. At first, she thought the dancer planned to leave, and she opened her mouth to stop her. Instead, she rose and dragged her chair in front of Charlie’s, making a screeching along the concrete floor. Charlie cringed at the sound that reminded her of fingernails across a blackboard and set her teeth on edge. Once Kandy had repositioned herself with her back to the mirrored wall, the lawyer realized she blocked the view of anyone on the other side.

Kandy settled into the chair and blinked, her eyes dry. 

“I need to know something,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “You’re still my lawyer, right?” Charlie nodded, the back of her neck tingling. Where was the woman going with this? The dancer continued. “And anything I tell you is private?”

She didn’t like at all what the woman was asking. Her eyebrows twitched, threatening to draw together. Sure, Kandy blocked her from anyone on the other side, but she still felt the need to remain impassive. She recited the definition of libel, and her eyebrows receded. In a low tone that mimicked Kandy’s, she asked, “What’s going on?”

As if preparing for a deep sea dive, Kandy took a breath and stretched her top to its limits. “I didn’t tell you the whole story.”

The attorney reminded herself of the difference between libel and parody. “What’s the whole story?”

“When Cheyenne and I pulled Billy Ray and Vincent apart, Billy Ray dropped to the ground. He was breathin,’ but barely. Cheyenne headed toward the door, but Vincent stopped her. Said he knew she’d been two-timing him with Billy Ray. At first, she denied it, but he pulled out that white scarf. Said he found it in her dressing room. She laughed at him and told him she’d taken the job to be near Billy Ray.”

“But it could have been before—”

The woman shrugged. “Maybe. But then she said she and Billy Ray were going to Vegas.”

“Just because she said—”

“That’s when I told her I knew she was lyin’. Billy Ray and I were already planning to move. And he’d taken out a life insurance policy because of the baby. Cheyenne started cryin’ and ran off. Vincent went runnin’ after her, sayin’ how he was goin’ to teach her a lesson.”

“So you were alone with Billy Ray?”

Kandy nodded. “Once we were alone, he opened his eyes. Said he heard everythin’. I asked him if what Cheyenne said was true. He told me he only loved me and that hussy didn’t mean anythin’. I thought about bein’ out there in Vegas with all them showgirls, and Billy Ray bein’ the hound dog that he is, and how that life insurance policy would sure make it easier to live—”

Charlie swallowed and reminded herself of the difference between assault and battery. “So you—?”

“Like I wrote, he owed me.”

“And Vincent—?”

She lifted and dropped her shoulders. “He’s a businessman. Sure, he lost an act, but he’s gettin’ a third of a five-hundred-thousand-dollar policy. That five thousand he gave me today was an advance against his share.”

“And Cheyenne?”

“If Darlene doesn’t pan out, there’s always her to pin it on.” The corners of her lips turned up. “For sure, you can’t share any of this with anybody, right?” Not waiting for an answer, she patted her hand. “I’m so glad I hired you this morning. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you, too.”

Charlie shook her head slowly, trying to make sense of what Kandy had told her against what she’d witnessed. Her shoulders slumped, and she had to resist the urge to leap up and run from the room faster than Matthews had. Darlene was innocent. And she knew it. But how could she…?

Before she could ask that question—or any of the millions swirling about in her head—Matthews swaggered into the room. “They were about to let everyone in the front go. Got her just in time. She’ll be down here soon. We’ll make her confess in no time.”

Kandy stood. “You don’t need me anymore, detective? All this excitement’s worn me out. Probably not good for the…baby.”

The man gawped at the dancer, his jaw hanging open. After letting his gaze travel down from her face to her abdomen, he snapped his mouth shut and stammered out his dismissal. “Of course, little lady. We have your address. We’ll call you if we need additional information.”

“Just contact my lawyer.”

Both Charlie and the detective remained where they were as if mesmerized by Kandy’s presence. Once she was gone, Charlie snapped out of her catatonia, pushed herself up from her seat, and cleared her throat. She passed Matthews her card and said, “My business and home phones are both listed.”

“She’s lucky to have you as her representative.”

“Mmhmm,” was the only sound she managed to force through her tight throat.

As she returned to her car, she reviewed the attorney’s code of ethics. Surely there was a loophole somewhere….

THE END

Those links again:

Geico insurance commercial: here

Middle Grade May: here.

Mystery and Suspense Giveaway: here

Murder Mystery Book Fair here.

Trouble in Texas: here

Until June!

Happy Reading!

Liese