" I have tried everything ma but this child is not just ready to change and I am tired! What more can I do?" A parent said this to me in tears a few days ago. My heart went out to this parent and I said to her, " Tell me what this is about ma'am if you can talk." She went on to share a few concerns about her 13-year-old son.

He is doing poorly in school, he hates to study, he won't follow instructions at home and I have tried everything; I have shouted, beaten, talked and prayed, what else does he want me to do?" I was able to calm her down after a while, and I made a few inquiries of her;

👉🏿 Share with me how you've supported him in these years.

👉🏿 Share with me when you started noticing setbacks in academics and the inability to follow instructions?

👉🏿 Share with me what skills your child has.

👉🏿 Share with me what changes in behaviour you noticed every time you yelled or beat the child for poor performance.

Her response, " I don't know the when and in truth, I can't answer the questions in specific terms."

Now, here are some facts I shared with this parent and will like to share with you.

📌 Parenting is not an idle endeavour and so the more involved and committed you are to your child's progress as offered through connection, feedbacks and support the more stable they would be.

📌 No matter how supportive you are, your child is likely to go through setbacks at one point or another which could be - behavioural, academic, psycho-social, or emotional etc.

And these may be caused by several factors - stress, peer pressure, societal pressure, growth & development, low self-esteem, poor foundation, abuse, method If discipline, your parenting style etc.

📌 Your ability or inability to recognise, support or get professional help for them at such time can become the beginning of a big setback in the child's life and purpose.

Sadly, the means of correction which most of us employ as with this parent is PUNISHMENT which can be in the forms👇🏽 below and can be damaging if we are not careful.

👉🏿something undesirable and painful - harsh words, beating, yelling.

👉🏿 taking away privileges in exaggerated measures.

👉🏿threats and tasks to be performed aimed at inflicting stress.

While some of these can be beneficial when applied appropriately, using any of them without identifying the ROOT cause of your child's struggle is the real ISSUE.

To cut this story short, I told this parent what my biggest fear of all the others was;

" Escape & Avoidance" which can be both physical and psychological.

Yes, a child not helped effectively but punished for what they are struggling with will do this to you, and you will only notice it when they become teenagers at which point they must have locked you and reasoning out.

Take it as a natural survival instinct championed by the Amygdala- the part of the brain responsible for the fight-flight-freeze response ( a lesson we can't get into right now).

In about a week, I will start a journey with my child to move from setback to success for the reasons above and I am going on that journey with a few parents who are intentional enough to walk this path.

Forget all the gra gra, parenting is service, approach it like a career!

Trust me 'fixing' a setback is a MIND THING and some journeys are best ahieved with a trusted person.

Who better to go on a journey from setback to success with your child than YOU? See details to enrol today.

https://selar.co/hpcl

Selah❤ Marybeth Chima The MentorMum.