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When my little man was about 8 years old, I noticed his energy heightened, and he got into trouble more frequently because of the endless chit chats and other early preteen drama. 

I like to attack issues from their roots- origin, so I started looking closely to see why the sudden change and the need to be heard so much, that  he didn't mind getting into trouble.

Part of what I discovered was that he was growing and needed to exert his energy more beyond playing board games with the family, building lego structures, running around the neighbourhood with his only age mate who is a girl or playing with me and his 2-year-old sister. So every time he was in school it was like, ' ha, let's let it all out at once!😆

He just wanted to be a boy, who does what boys do without getting into trouble or getting judged. 

I thought of how to help him and decided to focus on the things he liked, and would love to do. So I asked him and while he was trying to figure this out I asked if he'd love to join a football academy? Yes! He said. Boy was he excited about this! Hence, we got him enrolled.

He also had his friends at church who loved football too and played a lot of video games. So, when he asked if he could go over to play with them, I smiled and knowing it was safe as we shared many of the some values I said why not. In fact we made going over a weekly exercise for a while.

Finally I asked him one day, " Who is that person in your class who isn't very loud , but joins in general conversations , talks when necessary , yet no one messes around with him or her or tries to push them around?"

Hmm...he though for a bit and then as if he got a revelation , he blotted out a name. So I said, " watch him more closely and try to emulate what he does, he's your new child-mentor. 😄

He took only a few weeks for the negative reports from school to stop coming and I could feel a deeper sense of joy and adventure in him. Nothing others could see, but I could see because I was watching keenly.

Dear parents, children evolve and so do their needs and wants. One of your duties is to create the right atmosphere for your child to find happiness, this is different from trying to make your child happy. 

Look keenly and you'd see what kind of things they enjoy and can find joy in, then seek safe and empowering ways to create opportunities for them to do these. 

Trust me, these things children want are usually simple until we expose them to our ideas of what should bring them joy.

It's a beautiful start to the week have a blessed day ahead.

Marybeth Chima

The MentorMum.