Breaking Free from Unhealthy Patterns: A Personal Journey
Sep 05, 2024 11:15 am
Dear ,
If your first name is not on my email list, I call you "Friend!" When I write these emails, I want you to know that I am writing to YOU! I speak to you as a dear and valued friend. I hope this email finds you well.
Today, I want to share something personal and transparent—a look into my journey of self-reflection and growth.
I've been reading Amy Porterfield's book Two Weeks Notice, and though I've only just started, some of her insights have already deeply resonated with me. Over the past few months, I've been reflecting on my professional and personal life, wondering why I repeat certain unhealthy patterns.
As business owners, we often present a facade of having it all together. Still, the truth is that we frequently carry baggage into our professional relationships that affect how we work.
In a recent conversation with my husband, Tim, I realized something: I tend to delay necessary endings. Why do I hesitate? Why do I find myself trying to please others at my own expense? These questions led me to profound "aha" moments, especially after reading Dr. Henry Cloud's Necessary Endings.
Here are a few insights I've uncovered about myself:
- A Need to Prove Myself: Growing up, I often needed to prove my worth. While this instilled a strong work ethic, it also set me on a path of constantly seeking validation.
- The Burden of Feeling Responsible: When my father left during my teenage years, I internalized the blame, thinking I should have done things differently. This pattern of self-blame and altering myself to meet others' expectations continued into adulthood.
- A Focus on Others' Needs: As a wife and mother of five, my life was dedicated to caring for my husband and children. While I have no regrets about this devotion, it often meant sidelining my own dreams and losing sight of who I was and what I truly wanted for myself.
- Client Relationships: As a business owner, I once had a client who said, "I want you to treat my business like you would your own." While I understood the intent, it led me to become a chameleon, adapting excessively to fit clients' needs, often to my detriment.
Amy's words in Two Weeks Notice struck a chord: "Monday morning, I was back at my desk—and right back to chasing raises, promotions, and attagirls." Amy's words made me reflect: How can I break free from my 'yes-girl' identity?
Here are three ways I'm working to change my 'yes-girl' identity:
- Set Clear Boundaries: I must understand what I am willing to do and what I am not. This means being upfront about my limits and learning to say 'no' when necessary.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Taking time for myself is not a luxury; it's a necessity. I've started setting aside specific times for self-care activities, whether it's reading a book, taking a walk, or simply relaxing without feeling guilty (still working on this one!)
- Embrace Self-Reflection: I've begun dedicating weekly time to reflect on my actions, decisions, and motivations. Writing down my thoughts has been incredibly helpful in understanding why I say 'yes' when I should be saying 'no.' This process of self-reflection allows me to identify people-pleasing patterns and make conscious decisions that align with my true values and goals.
I am NOT a sit still kind of gal. It is hard for me to quiet my mind to even think through these things. I want ACTION. Journaling? Well, that is work in progress. Feel free to send me any tips on that one.
By sharing these thoughts, I encourage you to reflect on your journeys and consider what patterns are holding you back. Let's be courageous enough to face our insecurities and make the necessary changes to foster healthier professional and personal lives as we strive for the elusive work/life balance.
If you're feeling overwhelmed or need a fresh perspective on streamlining your operations and boosting productivity, I'm here to help. As a certified Full Focus Pro coach, I'm offering a limited number of 15-minute free consultations to discuss your specific needs and challenges. Whether you need help managing day-to-day tasks or developing a more strategic approach to your business, let's connect and explore how I can support you.
Additionally, I'll be opening slots for individual and group coaching later in the fourth quarter, perfect for those who are ready to enhance their focus and achieve their goals.
Ready to take the next step? Book your free mini consultation today to start your journey toward a more organized and productive business life. I am looking forward to helping you thrive!
Warm regards,
Lisa Olinda
Chief Chaos Whisperer, Olinda Services
P.S. Also, if you haven't yet, I recommend picking up a copy of Two Weeks Notice (Amazon Affiliate Link) by Amy Porterfield. It has valuable insights for anyone looking to reclaim control over their professional journey and achieve more freedom.