THE JE LETTER

1/19/23

 Practicing detachment

There are many things out of our control as humans, and some things in our control.

A core reason we suffer is due to our need to attach to people, objects, titles, and so on.

Detachment is not something I've achieved, it's a goal of mine to focus on what's in my control.

I don't enjoy outsourcing my feelings.

Being attached is another form of learned helplessness, you're giving away your power to be happy with what you have and are creating suffering.

Great connections usually are built when two healthily independent people come together.

There's no codependency, but a conscious choice to be together.

Don't you want to be comfortable by yourself?

Deeper understanding

Energy goes where attention flows, what's that mean?

If we are focusing on the thing we're attached to, we are constantly in a state of need / want...

Even if you HAVE what you're attached to for most of the day, inevitably you will be separated.

Let me explain.

I'm speaking BIG picture here.

It may be a love for your dog, this is hard to accept, but they will pass away one day.

It's better to accept this long before the day comes.

Detachment is not an easy thing and like most difficult acts in life this one has many layers of benefits.

When you don't need something you begin to appreciate it even more.

Since you've accepted life is a continuously moving river, the changes are expected and this knowing creates a deeper appreciation for the current moment.

Rather than focusing on needing the thing you put attention on loving it.

True love is understanding, not needy.

Doing the inner work

So what's in our control?

This is such an open ended question, I like to think we control our thoughts, feelings and energy. There are complications within that statement though.

Other's will surely effect those three things, depending on the context certain people will have more control over these than others.

If somebody is looking to aggravate you, they aim to manipulate your thoughts, energy and feelings...

Dependent on your level of development you'll either allow that to happen, or figure out a way to defuse the situation.

So although it is in your control, there are many variables that effect whether you will control these factors.

What I've found to help is to minimize the amount of time I spend around negative people.

This helps greatly.

Another important thing is to develop awareness, so you can notice the things you have to improve.

We all have areas that can be improved.

When you're aware you can catch yourself stressing about something out of your control and consciously choose to focus on something beneficial to your wellbeing.

Read that once more.

It can be applied to many areas of life, as we stress about a lot.

NOTICE when your monkey mind is creating anxiety, when your thinking is negative and choose to stop thinking about it.

You stop thinking about it by participating in another activity that requires your focused attention and be sure it's a healthy activity.

Why bother detaching?

What are the benefits of detaching?

I mean if we're going to learn something it must be worthwhile.

We all adopt and hold onto opinions and beliefs.

This clinging only weakens us and holds us back from further development, challenging our core ideas can be painful!

When you're open-minded enough to question your closest beliefs you open up to your higher potential.

So right now we're speaking of letting go of ideology.

By considering new viewpoints and honestly questioning yourself you allow for new connections and insights.

The wise man is that which admits he doesn't know.

It's healthy to say I don't know.

You relieve yourself of pressure when you accept you'll be learning continuously.

You find the lessons in your mistakes instead of attaching to outcomes.

You focus on giving your top effort and reflecting, rather than complaining and dwelling.

You appreciate the limited moments instead of taking advantage of the present.

Each of these compound greatly overtime in your favor.

You understand that mistakes can be used as stepping stones toward achieving what you must.

A resilient human detaches and gives their absolute best to the world.

Every decision you make is a vote for the person you'd like to become.

You choose to hold onto thoughts.

Make a conscious effort to let go of that which does not serve you, this may be a habit, thought pattern, relationship, ETC.

Creating momentum

Developing a confidence in your own skin will never be something you regret doing.

Confidence and detachment are linked.

If you're comfortable with who you're, it's much more likely that you can detach from the need for external validation.

You'll also be less likely to be co-dependent.

There are of course plenty of different areas in which detachment is important.

Detach from outcomes, addictions, people, etc.

There's no magic pill for this.

You can learn to enjoy your own presence, which is a giant piece to detaching from anything. Having healthy habits is one of the crucial pieces to this.

If you teach yourself to value education, you are unlocking something powerful, education is the root to creating a more enjoyable life.

To desire the acquisition of healthy habits is where you start, then you identify what habits you have that must be replaced.

Moment by moment, day by day, week by week, you make the decision to value your future above instant un-healthy pleasure.

You'll struggle to make changes if you don't have a clear vision oy why you're doing what you're doing.

And you must staple this big picture vision into your mind, it must become your life's mission.

Keep it broad so you don't limit your potential.

You want to focus on mixing both the bigger vision with the daily actions.

Establish the bigger picture vision and then don't think about it until you need a reminder, during your days you want to focus all your attention at the given task.

Thinking about the past in a negative frame = depression, while thinking about the future in a negative frame = anxiety.

When you do choose to plan and reflect, do it in a healthy frame and be sure that you do it in a session...

Don't try to plan for 5 minutes, working in 25-45-75 minute sessions is a GAME CHANGER.

It's about becoming

Humans are meant to share and grow together.

We are meant to acquire skills and be capable of handling situations independently, humans can be very versatile.

It is uncomfortable and challenging to become a skilled person, someone who is capable of seeking solutions in many differing situations.

If we get too attached to certain places, people, objects they'll cause us more pain then they did joy...

And thankfully attachment is something you can work on, so you don't let it spoil the amazing moments.

Life occurs in seasons.

Many people will come in and go in one season.

For me I've became very attached to people, so I think that's the area that deserves the most attention.

To prevent this you'll need a purpose that's powerful that doesn't involve another person...

Some kind of independent project.

Actually it's interesting, but for a relationship to be healthy both individuals need this sort of priority project outside of the connection.

Of course this makes the understanding of balance vital, but this is why human connections are amazing, because they're so complicated.

See, life is a game in my opinion.

And for a game to be entertaining, it mustn't be too hard nor too easy...

Our creator struck that balance pretty damn well.

If you open your mind up you'll realize how infinitely nuanced humanity is.

This realization can only occur when you think big, you'll have to be willing to question your beliefs and ideas related to just about everything.

So, detachment can be applied in most areas of your life.

Look to reduce your neediness each day, grow a bit more independent as you evolve.

Then you'll have a choice, to enjoy yourself alone, and you can also enjoy yourself with others!

Do not settle.

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Consider trying this

Let's say you feel what I'm saying and you're curious about what the initial steps are.

It's very dependent on your current stage of development, but I'll do my best to guide you.

When we begin anything it must be done in a sustainable manner.

First: What is it that you're attached to?

Second: Why are you attached to that thing?

Third: And why are you attached to [answer from Second]

Fourth: Continue questioning until you feel you've got a GREAT reason for why.

Without understand what and the deep why behind your attachment, you'll struggle to detach.

This exercise might reveal to you that your attachment is rooted in some insecurity...

If that's the case, now you are honest with yourself, and realize it's time to work through that insecurity.

Most attachment seems to be rooted in insecurity. Question yourself honestly, look to catch where you're lying to self.

Believe in self

Don't be overwhelmed, accept that you're on a life long journey of improvement in all areas.

This ability to detach is one small piece of a giant puzzle, you are in the exact right place at the right time.

So breathe, understand how blessed you're, and accept that you will improve each day.

Create a system for your days so that you barely stress and clearly know what must be done.

The less thinking you do the better, think only when you're supposed to be thinking.

What are the areas of your life causing the most stress? How can you reduce that stress?  

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