Workplace Multiplier by Tola Akinsulire

Tuesday Edition: November 12, 2024

Welcome to the Workplace Multiplier newsletter. Published every Tuesday & Friday, we discover something crucial to help us on the way to winning at work and in life.

Coping with a Toxic Boss: Effective Strategies to Handle a Toxic Manager

Immediately you see a topic like this, you might probably be putting a few bosses you have had in the “toxic boss” box.

Before you do that, let me deal with the confusion that happens now and again.

There is a difference between toxic bosses and difficult bosses.

A difficult boss is a manager who may have a challenging personality or management style but does not necessarily engage in malicious behaviour. They may be demanding, have high expectations, or lack effective communication skills. While working with a difficult boss can be frustrating, it is not typically as harmful as working with a toxic boss.

On the other hand, working under a toxic boss can create a challenging work environment that affects not only your professional life but also your personal well-being.

They could engage in abusive or manipulative behaviour that may negatively impact your well-being and job satisfaction. This behaviour can manifest in various ways, including verbal abuse, gaslighting, micromanagement, favouritism, and creating a hostile work environment.

I have worked with a toxic boss before. So, I know the experience - been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Don’t be surprised if the toxicity is coming from an issue they have in their personal lives.

But since you are not their therapist, we will leave that out of our conversation today.

Today, I will try to give you a couple of strategies for dealing with a toxic manager, helping you to identify the signs, understand their behaviours, and ultimately cope with the stress they impose. The goal here is to help you navigate the complexities of a toxic workplace and protect your mental health.

I have made an assumption here. You have a strong reason for wanting to stay and work under a toxic boss.

And it’s not because you are a glutton for punishment.

For me, I stayed under a toxic boss because the person was one of the best in the industry I had just moved to. For the opportunity to grow and improve, I decided to stay.

Add to that, the company did not have a toxic culture, it was just the boss I had that was toxic.

Now let’s get into the rest of the good stuff I’ll be dropping today.

Let’s start with the signs of a toxic boss. This list might not be the whole Enchilada, but it’s something you can work off. A toxic boss often creates a negative atmosphere, such as:

•  Excessive micromanagement or unreasonable expectations.
•  Constant criticism,
•  Lack of support, or even
•  Favoritism towards certain subordinates

Additionally, a toxic boss often creates an atmosphere of fear, leading to employee burnout and turnover. There may even be frequent instances of dishonesty, lack of accountability, or constant undermining of your efforts by the boss.

Instead of fostering employee growth, a toxic manager may prioritize their own agenda, leading to a lack of trust and collaboration among team members.

The impact of a toxic boss on people at work can be profound and far-reaching. Working under a toxic boss can lead to increased stress levels, diminished morale, and a decline in overall job satisfaction. Employees may experience emotional distress, which can spill over into their personal lives.

Furthermore, the toxic behavior of a manager can result in higher turnover rates within the organization, as individuals seek healthier work environments.

A lot of what I just reeled out was present when I worked with a toxic boss. In short order, a lot of the people who joined the team before me and after me left. Only about 2 of us went the nine yards.

So did I last in that environment?

Here is the inside scoop.

1 - Develop Emotional Intelligence to Manage Stress

In a toxic environment, emotional intelligence involves understanding and regulating your emotions, as well as being aware of others' feelings. When working under a toxic boss, it is crucial to recognize how their toxic behaviour affects your emotional state.

By enhancing your emotional awareness, you can create a buffer against the negative impacts of their actions, leading to improved coping mechanisms.

My toxic boss was doing a number on my self-confidence during that time. But I fought back by self-coaching myself. I would paraphrase this bible verse to myself every time “God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

Of course, I was also writing in a notebook anything I was told to correct…just to make sure I didn’t forget it next time.

2 - Effective Communication Techniques

Employing effective communication techniques is essential when dealing with a toxic manager. Clear and assertive communication can help mitigate misunderstandings and clarify expectations.

When confronted with unreasonable demands or micromanagement, articulating your thoughts calmly and professionally can create a more constructive dialogue. Utilizing "I" statements can shift the focus from blame to personal impact, fostering a more positive interaction.

For instance, you might say, "I feel overwhelmed by the current workload and would appreciate guidance on prioritizing tasks." This approach encourages an open exchange and may prompt your boss to reconsider their toxic behaviour.

Once upon a time, my toxic boss went ballistic without warning. I guess the weather forecast must have been a thunderstorm for that day.

By the end of the hailstorm, I heard “I am taking the project you are working on from you and giving it to so and so in the team.”

What did I do?

I walked out of the office. A few minutes later, I walked back in, marched into the boss’ office and in a matter-of-fact tone, calmly said “I am not handing over the project. I am going to continue running the project.”

It did the trick. I ran the project and completed it at a good profit for the company.

Later on, one of my colleagues who was in the office at that time told the story as an example of confidently facing the boss.

Well, I guess the confidence I had been building all this while paid off.

Just remember, you are not a lifetime card-carrying member of the DOORMATS (Dependent Order Of Relatively Meek And Timid Society).

Be Assertive when you need to be.

3 - Building a Support Network

In a toxic work environment, building a support network is essential for coping with a toxic boss. Surrounding yourself with colleagues who understand the challenges posed by a toxic manager can provide a sense of solidarity and comfort.

These allies can offer emotional support, share their experiences, and even collaborate on strategies to handle a toxic workplace effectively. Engaging in open conversations with trusted coworkers can help you identify collective signs of a toxic boss, enabling you to approach the situation with a united front. This camaraderie not only alleviates feelings of isolation but also empowers you to navigate the complexities of your work life.

Remember, a strong support system is invaluable in mitigating the adverse effects of a toxic manager's behaviour and can foster a more positive work culture overall.

I had my support network during the toxic boss season. It does wonders to keep you motivated and encouraged at work.

Yes, I have offered these three options but I would be remiss in my duty to you if I stop here.

There might come a time when you need to seek help from human resources. If the toxic behaviour of your boss becomes unbearable and starts affecting your mental health or productivity, it may be time to escalate the situation. Involving HR can lead to constructive solutions, such as mediation or management training, aimed at addressing the toxic workplace culture.

However, it's essential to weigh the potential risks involved, as bringing attention to a toxic manager can sometimes have repercussions. Ultimately, if the negative impact on your work life becomes overwhelming, seeking assistance from HR can be a crucial step in your journey to cope with a toxic boss effectively.

Some of my team members went to human resources at some point. HR spoke with the boss but that didn’t do the magic. Eventually, they moved the team member to another department that she liked and was able to thrive in.

But there comes a point when you will need to make a decision on whether to stay in your current position or seek opportunities elsewhere. This decision should be approached with careful consideration of your personal and professional goals.

Working under a toxic manager can lead to significant stress, burnout, and dissatisfaction, which may impact your overall work-life balance. Assessing the long-term implications of remaining in a toxic work environment is essential. Take stock of your career aspirations and the potential for growth within the organization.

If the toxic behaviour of your boss is unlikely to change, it might be time to explore new job opportunities. Conversely, if you believe that you can cope with the situation while also seeking ways to improve your work culture, staying might be a viable option. Ultimately, the decision should align with your values and well-being.

In the face of a toxic boss, it’s vital to focus on your own personal and professional growth. While working under a toxic manager can be disheartening, it also presents an opportunity to cultivate resilience and adaptability.

By actively seeking ways to improve your skills and knowledge, you can enhance your career prospects regardless of the toxic environment. Investing in your growth not only strengthens your professional profile but also builds your confidence in handling difficult situations.

Ultimately, by prioritizing your own development, you can better navigate the challenges of dealing with a toxic boss and position yourself for future success, whether within the current organization or elsewhere.

Notwithstanding the difficult season, I went through with a toxic boss, I grew as a professional. I became better at what I did.

I did learn from my toxic boss. Years later, I still sent a thank you message to my ex-boss for the things I learned.

The decision is simple. Choose the path of best growth personally and professionally.

You can win at work and in life.

Tola Akinsulire

I am a Workplace Multiplier

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