CHAPTER NINE: Getting Married and the Preparations That Come with It
Dec 16, 2024 7:16 am
CHAPTER NINE: Getting Married and the Preparations That Come with It
Hello ,
My Dear Millionaire friend,
The picture above is Celebrating My Wife, the Brand New OAU Minted Ph.D... Dr (Mrs) Olubunmi Adetiloye
Thought and talks on marriage cannot be over-emphasized in discussions about starting out in life and business. I have been married for 8 years now and it has been wonderful. I give Glory to God for this. Once you are getting to a particular age and stage in life, the society and people around you begin to pressure you into getting married, however, that is not enough reason to rush into marriage.
I found my wife when I was serving during NYSC and we both stayed in the NCCF family house. The first time I noticed her was when I joined the team that came to the NYSC camp to covey them when they were done with their 21-day orientation camp.
Then later I noticed her around and we became friends as I continued to engage her. After a while, I just knew by an inward witness that she was going to be my wife. At the time, I was running my book project as a Youth Corper and interestingly, she was the one keeping my money for me. When I left the NCCF family house at Abeokuta after passing out from the programme, I gave a space of about 3 months to confirm my leading towards her before coming back to propose to her. I carried my friends and mentors along and she also got her confirmation after a while and we got married.
You need to take this aspect of life seriously and get settled on time. When you are married, you become more stable and you’re able to channel your energy in the right direction.
We did our wedding ceremony based on our capacity. Don’t let anyone pressure you. Conduct it based on what you can afford and if your parents are ready to spend for you, That’s fine too but if they don’t, please cut your coat according to your cloth.
Marriage is a sacred institution established by God. It is a union between a man and a woman who has agreed to get married to each other without force or coercion. It is the coming together of two people from different backgrounds to become one in body, mind, and spirit.
Marriage involves a man and woman leaving their parents or guardians to cleave to each other. It is a life-long contract and the point of attack by the devil because the success of marriage breeds a peaceful society.
Marriage is a lifetime venture that anyone who signs into it cannot afford to go in unprepared. The reason for a lot of broken marriages in our society today is because many young men and women get into marriage without being fully aware or prepared for it. Also, some get into marriage because of increasing pressure from family and friends.
As a youth or young adult reading this chapter, I congratulate you because you are about to dive into a piece that will change your life positively. Before discussing how to prepare for marriage, you must first understand the purpose of marriage:
· Companionship: Marriage was created to establish friendship between two different people who will walk together and agree as one. We cannot live life alone, having someone whom you can trust and depend on brings peace and bliss to life.
· Sex: Sex is a gift from God specially prepared to be enjoyed in marriage. Marriage was created so that a man and woman can submit their bodies to each other without restriction or denying each other sexual satisfaction.
· Procreation: As recorded in the holy books, we were commanded to be fruitful, multiply and subdue the earth. Marriage was created for multiplication. Men and women are to raise godly and responsible children within the confines of marriage.
· Protection: Marriage provides security in different ways you can imagine. A husband is expected to protect his wife, even if he has to lay down his life for her while the woman should protect the interest of her home and raise godly children.
Now that you know the purpose of marriage, how then should you prepare for marriage? Preparation for marriage starts from singlehood and continues during courtship.
PREPARATION DURING SINGLEHOOD
Preparing for marriage begins with singlehood. This is the stage when you do not have any attachments. You have all your time to yourself and pray for God to help you to marry the right person. In other words, you are a ‘free bird’ and if this period is well maximized, you will end up with a very fulfilling marriage. As a single man or lady, you should do the following:
· Attend seminars
· Read books on marriage
· Work on your bad habits
· Dress well and be presentable
· Invest in friendship
· Be financially independent
· Build your career, etc.
9 WAYS TO KNOW HE OR SHE IS THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU
Youths face the problem of deciding who to settle down in marriage with because they have already created a mental picture of who their spouse will look like. It is not bad to fantasize and have specs but you have to be flexible and focus on getting the right person for you. Even after meeting that man or woman, you have butterflies for, how do you know they are the right one?
1. Spiritual convictions: As spiritual beings, the Holy Spirit gives us the Spirit of discernment to make the right choices. God can make His will known to you through dreams, visions, His word or through men of God. The ultimate thing is that you will feel at peace about your choice.
2. Physical attraction: This is a very important thing to look out for in order to know if he or she is the right one for you. Marriage is a life-long contract and you cannot afford to spend the rest of your life with someone you are not attracted to.
3. Goals and career alignment: You can know if he or she is right for you if you are on the same page in terms of life and career goals. It is a red flag if he or she does not support what you are doing or intends to do.
4. You don’t fear the relationship.
5. You don’t have to pretend when you are around the person.
6. You feel safe and secure.
7. You inspire each other.
8. There is mutual respect between both of you.
9. You both are ready to compromise and work on yourself.
PREPARATION DURING COURTSHIP
Courtship is the period when prospective couples get to know each other better and prepare for marriage with a wedding date in mind. It is a delicate period because whatever happens during courtship could affect the marriage to a large extent. As intending couples, these and many more are things you should do in preparation for marriage.
- Get a mentor:
As a young man or woman, marriage is a journey you have never been through. Therefore, you need experienced people who would guide you through courtship till marriage. Your mentor will be an accountability partner, they will share their stories and keep things real with you.
2. Inform parents, guardians and spiritual leaders:
A successful marriage requires the consent of the important people in your life. Parental approval and blessings are non-negotiable for your marriage. Informing them also strengthens the commitment between you and your fiancé.
3. Take time to talk about everything:
The period of courtship isn't just about merriment, hanging out, chatting and going on dates. You should discuss certain subjects extensively to avoid shocks in marriage. Discuss issues like:
o View about marriage
o Blood group and genotype
o Love languages
o Sex
o How to deal with in-laws
o Beliefs and culture
o Likes, dislikes, hobbies
o Expected number of children
o Past relationships, childhood life, abuse or trauma
o Criminal records
o Finance
o Conflict resolution
o Career goals,
o Past relationships, etc.
4. Be spiritually ready:
As intending couples, prepare a solid foundation for your marriage through prayer. Commit your ways to God’s hand and he will direct your path. Study and meditate on the word of God together.
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Dayo Adetiloye (B.Agric, MBA)-
AUTHOR - CONSULTANT - SPEAKER - ENTREPRENEUR - BUSINESS ANGEL
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