Hi,

Today, a seasonal guide that I'm sure you will all find extremely useful:

The Procrastilearning Guide to Buying Christmas Presents 🎄

Early August

See something you want to buy for someone for Christmas. Feel pleased you're thinking about this so early. You're a great person. Make a mental note of the item.

Late September

See something that you want for someone else. It's just so perfect. Make a mental note of that too.

Late November

Decide it might be a good time to start thinking about sorting out Christmas presents. But do something else as it's more urgent.

December 4th

Say to yourself: "Oh wow, I should go get some presents. Only three weeks till Christmas." But stay at home because it's a bit cold. Also Netflix.

December 13th

Realise that you still haven't bought any presents. Panic buy the thing you saw in early August online, only to realise it won't arrive until January.

Facepalm when you can't remember the thing from late September at all. Who was that even for?

Get serious and think about who you need to buy presents for. Realise you have no idea what most of them would even want. Who wants "things" anyway? It all just piles up. What do people do with all this stuff?

December 14th

Accept gifts from visiting relatives to put under the tree. Feel extreme guilt you didn't buy anything for them yet.

Go to TK Maxx afterwards and look to buy anything. Purchase some so-called gift boxes of mysterious toiletries that you have no idea will be welcomed or not.

December 15th

Write a newsletter instead of buying presents.

December 16th

Go to Robert Dyas to buy presents. Leave swearing you will never visit another Robert Dyas as long as you live.

December 17th

Go to WHSmith. Realise you haven't been in one in years. What do people even buy here? Flick through the book selection and think about the state of the publishing industry. Buy nothing.

Come home and go online to look at Amazon. Spend two hours filling a shopping basket then realise it's likely none of this will arrive on time.

Close laptop and go look in the bathroom mirror. Stare at what you've become.

December 18th

Go to Primark. Buy socks. People always need socks. Screw it.

Wrap the presents you did end up buying. Realise you still need one more. But it's just one. That can wait. Lots of time.

December 23rd

Panic buy something terrible for that last present: a packet of McVities digestive biscuits from Tesco.

Brace self for spreading disappointment. But hey, that's what the season is all about.

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That's all for this week. I'm sure you now feel totally prepared for Christmas. You're welcome 🎅

Adam

Adam Zulawski

TranslatingMarek.com / Procrastilearning.com / More stuff

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