Peace be upon you,

I remember when I took my Train the Trainer Mindfulness Certification course last year and how grateful I was that I went for the training. The action has immensely improved the way I communicate what I want in a respectful manner and not on emotions. 

As a woman, you have many relationships you need to keep and manage. The way you manage them will either give you peace or misery.

I shall share a technique with you on how to communicate your emotions and your wants to your husband or loved ones. 

Here’s a story of how I handled a scenario in my home with my hubby and sister-in-law.  

I woke up to SIL cooking in the kitchen. When I asked if she was cooking for the house, she answered in the negative and said she was cooking for someone outside. The following conversation ensued.

Me: Why am I not told of this?

SIL: I told my brother.

At this stage, I was fuming and annoyed but kept it all in as par mindfulness concern. 😅

I went outside to see hubby and asked him if he gave his sister permission to use my kitchen to cook for someone outside the home.

Me: E. said that you permitted her to cook for someone outside.

Hubby: Yes.

Me: Without letting me know?

Hubby: (Shrugged, walking away) I don't see anything wrong with it.

Me: You don't see anything wrong with it? Okay o.

We entered the car with 2 of my children to go to an event. At this time, I was boiling with so much anger that I kept taking deep breaths as I learned from Mindfulness class. Whenever I thought of it during the ride, it infuriated me and I took a deep breath. He seemed to notice what I was doing because I sat with him in the front of the car.

I decided to not speak because of the children and planned in my head how to go ahead to share my feelings and thoughts calmly and respectfully without brim and stone. 😆

I thanked him after he dropped us off where we joined a Bolt driver at the venue. All the while, I had decided that I was going to call SIL when I got to the venue and use the formula of expressing my emotions, what I didn't like about the situation, and what I wanted going forward as regards cooking for someone outside the home. 

As Allah would have it, we got to the venue earlier than planned and prepared myself for the phone conversation, this was how I expressed myself.

Me: Hello, E. As regards what happened earlier in the kitchen, I want you to know that the fact that I allowed you free rein in the kitchen doesn't mean you can disregard me. 

I felt disregarded and furious about not being told of cooking in my kitchen and taking it outside. Going forward, I must be informed if there’s a need to cook in the kitchen for someone outside. 

Of course, I said more than this but the main highlight was letting her know how her actions made me feel and what I want going forward.

You must be explicit in your communication. Make it CLEAR and ASSERTIVE. Don't mince words, say it as it is so that the other person isn't confused as to how you feel or what you want.

Here’s the formula.

I feel…………(ensure you share your emotion here clearly) when you………..(insert what happened). I want…….(share what you want).

You can use this formula in any conversation with hubby, friends, family, colleagues, or anyone, to pass across your message.

Guess what? Some minutes after speaking with E on the phone, hubby called me to apologize. I was shocked because it wasn't always easy for him to do that. 

You can see how not reacting immediately and thinking things through can go a long way to diffuse tension. 

Are you going to apply this formula going forward?

Have a barakah-filled day and an amazing start to Monday.

To your awesomeness,

Raheemah

Your Book / Accountability Coach

PS: We're opening the doors to our bestselling accountability mastermind SGTD™, in a few days in sha Allah. Be on the lookout for the email if you want to join us. You need to put in the effort that your goals need to be accomplished. We can be your buddy on the way to achieving them!