I remember trying so hard to fit in at primary school, playing stupid games because others liked them, changing the way I spoke and acted to blend in, or to stick out. The lure of a group pulled me in and swirled me around, until pleasing the group seemed the most sensible option, and the most rewarding.

Fiction Bite - Initiation

‘On your knees, worm.’

‘Sir, Yes Sir!’

‘Have you given up your hope of life?’

‘Sir, Yes Sir!’

‘Have you burnt your possessions?’

‘Sir, Yes Sir!’

‘Have you cut all ties with your family and friends?’

‘Sir, Yes Sir!’

‘Have you renounced your worldly names?’

‘Sir, Yes Sir!’

‘Then arise, Brother 6572. You’ve gained entry to Utopia.’

Quote of the Week

“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” Dr Seuss.

Something to Try

While thinking about this week's email, I noticed how many things I still say and do to smooth social interactions. Saying I’m fine when I’m not, asking about people's weekends when I don’t really care. These aren’t bad things, they’re little compromises and efforts that stick us together. But before I wasn’t conscious how many I use. And some I want to change. As you go about your week, see how many you can notice, are you happy with the ones that you do?

Final Words

It didn’t end at primary school. Even now I feel pain when I see a group of friends with a shared group or activity that I’m on the outside of. It doesn’t matter that I’m not interested in going to soft play, or book club. It hurts and makes me want to squash myself into their group so I get the warm fuzzy feeling of having a community, and I have tried too often. Each time I end up busy and miserable, missing the space to do what I love and surrounded by people who don’t understand the real me.

With Love

Joe

P.S. What did you think of this week’s email? Which sections did you like? Which didn’t do it for you? Hit reply and let me know. I’d love to hear from you.