“Exploring life through fiction, together.”

I hate small talk. Having to hash out the same five questions with every pretending-I’m-interested person you get introduced to. And no matter where I lead the conversation, they ask the inevitable five words.

Fiction Bite - And what do you do?

Helen was networking. This made the skin between her shoulder blades crawl. Her therapist said she should imagine herself as a happy child at a birthday party. She was wondering if she needed a new therapist. The man opposite arched a threaded eyebrow and curled his lips further down.

“Sorry, my brain just imploded,” she said. “What were you saying?”

The sculpted brows scrunched.

“I’m the head of Auditory Enticement for Coles Cola.”

She nodded, paused, then cocked her head.

“And what does your department deal with?”

“We put the TSSSSS in the bottle.” His chest puffed like a pneumatic peacock as he hissed. “The sound you hear when you crack our bottles isn’t just air escaping. Sure, it used to be, but now we’ve revolutionised marketing.” He leant forward, wafting sour mint and cola breath. “The hiss matters. Give a customer a louder, longer hiss and they’re more satisfied. We've increased the volume by 300% while doubling length. Now, I know what you’re thinking,”—that Eyebrows made the paint name girl, sorry, artist, practically necessary— “but you can’t just increase the CO2 content. That changes the flavour. No, we redesigned the entire screw/cap configuration to maximise sound satisfaction.”

He paused long enough that she could throw herself at his feet and beg to learn his dark wizardry.

“What do you do, anyway?” 

“I work for Save the Children. We’re looking for corporate partners to—”

“Sorry, I must go.” 

As he stormed across the room, he glared at the racks of Pete’s Pop. Helen walked over, watching him choose another victim as she picked up a bottle. She held the lid to her ear and cracked the seal.

TSSSSSSSS

Quote of the Week

I'm not good at small talk; I'm not good at big talk; and medium talk just doesn't come up. — Amy Hempel

Book recommendation - Nonviolent Communication — A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall B. Rosenberg

Final Words

I trot out a couple words and suddenly they’re nodding like they know me, breathing easy now I’m confined to a pigeonhole. But I hate boxes. And now I’m pinned in one, the conversation dances to the weather, or sport, or some other safe conversation we’re all programmed to stay within the bounds of. And I’m no better. In fact, my hypocrisy is worse because I’m aware of it. So, given my desire for a deeper connection, how do I pull it off without scaring them?

With Love,

Josiah

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