“Exploring life through fiction, together.”

One summer as a kid, we drove down to the south of France. I must have been about 8. We packed our little red Peugeot, squeezed ourselves in, and headed south. We drove for hours, and hours, and hours, just to get to the ferry. Once on French soil, the road stretched ever on. When night fell, we pulled into a service station to sleep in the car, which had become my entire world. As everyone else snored, I quashed a scream. Gnarled hands stretched towards the windows. What once were trees had transformed into something hideous, and they wanted to eat me.

Fiction Bite - Who’s afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

I used to fear the monsters under the bed. At three am, my bed would drip with sweat as I hid under the covers, waiting for the never arriving dawn. Years later, it was knocking someone up. I’d get lucky at a party, or with some short-lived girlfriend. We’d use protection, but you hear stories. Each time I saw them, I’d search for a swelling tummy or bulging breasts.

Seems stupid now.

Now whiskey and pharmaceuticals take the edge off the piercing scream. Not quash it, just turn the sound down to 11. I sit each night in the multi-hue glow of the telly, drifting in the haze between dream, reality, Hollywood, and infomercial. There, the Ghost of Fuck-Ups Past haunts me. There, the Ghost of Nobody-Loves-You knocks. There, the Ghost of Shit-Yet-to-Come finds me, and all that old bollocks seems like unicorns and fucking rainbows.

Quote of the Week

“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.” - Rudyard Kipling

Book recommendation - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry [Children’s Fiction]

Another book I’ve read multiple times. On the surface, it’s a bizarre but interesting encounter between an aviator, stranded in the desert after a crash, and a little boy who claims to be from another planet. Then it unfolds in levels of meaning, with new ones appearing every time I read it. Saint-Exupéry deepened the joy with wonderful, often childlike, illustrations that are integral to the story. This tiny book (112 pages) contains so much, and impacts all ages.

Final Words

My fears used to be so immediate. I’d flip from fun to terror, but then it’d pass and I’d be back on top of the world. Now worry eats at my soul, if I let it. And I do, far, far too much. Did I say the right thing? Make the right choice? Did I? Should I? Hadn’t I? Questions fly round my brain, still strangling my sleep. Only now it seems less unavoidable. I can’t just drive away, I have to face it. Alone, in the wee small hours of the morning. My wife and kids snoring. Like nothing has changed.

With Love,

Josiah

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