Handling Avoidant Partners

Glee greetings, . Happy weekend! How has your week been? It's Saturday again, the day preferred by most humans as the day they walk down the aisle and make vows forever. In the spirit of love and affection, I'd be writing you about avoidant partners.

, have you ever felt like your partner is hiding something from you? Or that they are not proud to be with you in public? If you have, you are not alone. I have been there once. Many people struggle with feeling insecure and unloved in their relationships, especially when their partners seem avoidant or distant.

You might think that the worst thing that could happen to you is finding out that your partner is cheating on you. But what if I told you that there is something even more painful than that? Something that could hurt you more than seeing them with someone else?

That is the feeling of being rejected by the person you love. The feeling of being ignored, dismissed, or avoided by the person you want to share your life with. The feeling of being invisible, unworthy, or unwanted by the person you trust the most.

This is what happens when your partner is avoidant when with you in public. They might act like they don't know you, or they don't care about you. They might avoid eye contact, physical contact, or any sign of affection. Or they might make excuses to leave early or not go out with you at all. They might even flirt with other people—offline and online—or act like they are single.

This can make you feel like you are not good enough for them. Like you are a burden, a secret, a mistake, or not their priority.

This can hurt you more than seeing them cheat because it is not just a betrayal of your trust but also a betrayal of your love. Neither is it just a violation of your boundaries, but also a violation of your dignity, a loss of your respect, and a jab at your self-esteem.

So, how can you handle an avoidant partner or heal from the damage of it?

You're Not The Problem

The first step is to recognize that this is not your fault. You are not the problem. They are. Don’t blame yourself nor begin to second guess yourself. You are not the one who needs to change. They are. You are not the one who is unworthy of love. They are. You should know that you deserve better.

Tell Them How You Feel

The second step is to communicate your feelings and needs. Tell them how their behaviour makes you feel and what you expect from them. Be honest, clear, and assertive. Don't let them deflate your fears, dismiss you or make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings. Don't let them manipulate you or make you doubt yourself. Don't let them gaslight you or make you feel crazy. And if they do gaslight you or try to emotionally manipulate you to feel guilty for their own misdeeds, that's your cue to severe ties.

Set Boundaries

If they are not willing to change or to meet your needs, then you need to protect yourself. You need to decide what you are willing to tolerate or compromise and what you are not.

If they are not willing to respect your boundaries or to face the consequences, then you need to walk away, because you deserve better. You deserve someone who is proud to be with you in public. Someone who is attentive, affectionate, supportive, honest, loyal, faithful, respectful, caring, and loving in public and behind the curtains.

Phew! Okay, I should pause here and goan make breakfast. My belle don dey murmur.

Have a great weekend, .

With ❤️,

Jaachị Anyatọnwụ