Welcome to the August 2nd edition of Faith & Life Lessons.
You will see this email full of tidbits from my week. My goal is simple. I hope that from how I live my life, you can find a thing or two that helps you as you try to live a life that matters. I am always trying to do one thing - make Christ-focused decisions in love, work, and life. And this was my week.
The Story Of My Week
My wife and I completed a 10-week marriage counseling session this week.
We didn’t go into it because we had some earth-shaking problem or were on the verge of making a nasty decision about our mutual future.
I know that’s the kind of story that tingles the ear
We went into it because we wanted to get better at being husband and wife.
The program is a collaborative initiative by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (Love and Respect Ministries) and Matt Loehr (Dare to be Different Marriage Ministry)
The first stage in the program requires both spouses to complete a marriage assessment independent of each other. This was a good way of seeing where you both see things differently. Your results are compared against a baseline of what the expected responses should be.
The next stage is the video course that goes with the program led by Dr. Emerson & Matt. All the sessions are gold. The result of the marriage assessment forms the base to identify the issues both of you need to be addressing as you follow the video
And now you have the optional part of the program which is the real diamond of the whole program. This is the 10-session counseling meetings with a mentor couple. The sessions are done over zoom and the mentor-couple have been trained to apply the principles of the Love & Respect program to help you work through the difference you may have as a couple.
Our meetings with our mentor-couple were the highlights of our week and the overall program for us. We learnt so much from listening to them. They even got a front roll seat when we had a crazy disagreement that all couples go through.
I cannot recommend the program enough. And if you can do it, I'd recommend you take the option that includes the 10-session counseling meetings with a mentor couple.
You can find out more about the program here - www.refreshyourmarriage.org
Things I Learnt
1-Never Letting Money Come Between Brotherhood: One of the decisions I made early is to simplify my approach to helping friends that ask me for help. First, I don't lend out any amount I can't give out.
Second, once I give the money, I don't expect it back even if they when ask it as a loan. Third, I am committed to letting my friends never lose their power of choice in the decision. I have had friends who ask me for help and at the point of giving them the money, I ask them "how do you want me to treat this - a gift or a loan?". Their response does not change what I do - they still get the money because I am committed to that action
Over the years, I have had friends who I have given money to and who asked that I treat it as loans come back to me after a long time to ask for the privilege to pay back. For almost all of them, I had forgotten that I loaned them money. I gifted the money but respected the choice to treat it as a loan.
This week, I had an old friend that we hadn't spoken in years send me an email. I'll share an extract of the email
I borrowed a sum of xxxx from you many years back for a poultry business I was involved with then.
Sadly; I betrayed the trust you had in me then by refusing to pay back as I promised
Today is our 13th year wedding anniversary and while my wife and I were praying,the Holy Spirit deeply convicted me that I betrayed the trust of a brother way back by my wicked act of not paying back the money.
Please, accept my deep apology and find a place in your heart to forgive me.
Also kindly give me the opportunity to pay back please and please.
I knew the premium you placed on our relationship then.
I eagerly await your response.
I immediately reached out to him through the number he included in the email. But there is nothing to forgive from my end.
But his email reminds me of the premium that God places of brothers living together in unity and keeping their commitment to one another.
I am happy that his relationship with God is opening him to deeper areas of his life that need restoration
2-When Parents Forget Parenting: There was a video that trended in my home country Nigeria during the week.
It was the video of a parent disciplining the son (no more than 10 years old) and the kid telling the mother to calm down.
As it would turn out, the governor of his state loved his negotiating skills and said he was inspired by the video “because of the deeper meaning it conveys,” urging residents to “calm down.” during this Corona times.
An NGO expressed its desire to make the boy their "Calm Down" ambassador. All in all, the boy has become a celebrity.
Unfortunately, in all this, we have forgotten a parental fail.
The discipline of a child should be done within the secrecy of the family. It should not be shared with the world.
The mom claimed that she recorded it to show her sister and shared it with just 4 people not knowing it would go viral. But she has no complaints because of the boons that it has rewarded them with.
The first rule of sharing any content is this "if you don´t want many people to see it, don´t share it with few people"
The discipline of a child highlights the family culture and the privacy of a child needs to be protected during that process.
It is not for the view of persons outside to the family. And I think in this case, the mother´s sister falls under this category.
As a family unit, we need to create boundaries that we will not allow our family activities and information to go outside off.
We are protecting our children to live normal lives that will reflect the family culture we create for them
Postscript
May you discover how to live wisely in these times, with feet firmly planted on earth but heart and mind deeply rooted in Jesus´vision for a pure church (Amen)
Tata,
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Tola Akinsulire
Blogger, Tolawrites.com
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