Hi ~

Back when you got my free guide, “How to Enjoy the Bible Again After Spiritual Abuse” (which if you misplaced it or didn't get it, you can access here), you may have noticed that I emphasized two things:

Desire and Anticipation

I wrote in there about the importance of aligning our desires with the Lord's heart for us according to the Scriptures.

And then to express our desires, like maybe this:

“Lord I want my heart to change, to turn toward You in this particular way.”

And then, in faith, express our anticipation.

“Lord, I’m really looking forward to how you’re going to change me.”

Today I want to tell you about the first time that happened in my own life.

I alluded to it in the first chapter of Untwisting Scriptures #4. I also quoted that part on the blog post called “What Can We Expect from God?”

But here’s some back story I haven't shared elsewhere.

It was October, 2000. I was reading Colossians and writing marginal notes (which I dated, so that’s why I know it was October, 2000, October first, to be exact).

Next to verse 4, in which Paul commended the Colossians for their love for others, I wrote,

“The Colossians showed evidence of following the second greatest commandment, which I have recently noticed is a great lack in my own life.”

I didn’t ask the Lord to change it— for some reason it didn’t occur to me to do that. I just observed it.

I guess it must not have bothered me very much. (Appalling, right?)

It was a few years later that I pinpointed that the lack of love was directed primarily toward people with chronic illness.

I cannot even tell you how appalled I was with myself. I get tears in my eyes right now just writing this.

By then I knew it was because of my mother, who used her own chronic illness as one of her tools for manipulation and control (I didn’t name her in the book, but here she is).

But STILL . . . my hardness of heart was APPALLING.

But by that time I knew to cry out to the Lord for my heart to be changed.

I desired change. I longed for change.

I knew I was asking according to His will. It is His will for us to love others and not be hard-hearted against them.

But this was the first time I did the second step. I experienced anticipation.

I said, “Wow, Lord, I’m really looking forward to seeing how you’re going to change this in my heart, because it feels so impossibly hard.”

Anticipation is an expression of faith.

And oh my friend. He did it. He did it.

He did it by teaching me about trauma and the effects of trauma. He did it through websites, through the stories of trauma survivors, and through books like The Body Keeps the Score.

I saw the effects that trauma has on the body. My heart melted in compassion.

He did it even for my mother, as I understood how her own childhood trauma had affected her without her awareness. (I still had boundaries in place, but I was able to understand and love her.)

Not long ago I heard one of the women I was praying with express to the Lord, “Lord, I’m looking forward to seeing how You’re going to change me.”

It warmed my heart. I’m looking forward to it too, with her.

With you in anticipating the good work the Lord will do,

Rebecca

Untwisting Scriptures at heresthejoy.com

See my Untwisting Scriptures series

Trauma-informed book coach at Rebecca Davis WordWorking

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