Never thought this day would come… I miss him so badly yet I needed to choose what is right.
About 5 months ago, I clearly heard God's whisper sa kanang tenga ko while reading His words. His instruction was so clear na ang lakas ng agos ng luha ko.
"You need to let go of everything for your total healing. Kelan mo ba susundin ang utos ko of avoiding pre-marital sex?"
Napa hagulgol ako.
I remember nakipag bargain pa ako kay LORD the past years after I tried to fix us kasi nga I felt like engaging in sex is valid kagaya ng pa ulit2x nyang sinasabi dahil may anak naman na kami.
I also remember how I was trying to bargain of serving Him.
Kasi nga di ko na mababago ang past lapses ko when it comes to failure of keeping my promise of purity before marriage to my late mom.
If you had been a long time follower of mine sa email man or sa FB Page, I know alam mo na hindi kami kasal ng papa ng anak ko.
And... when I started the Godly Builders Fam, I already had the instruction to start it all right. Holistic and progressive growth ika nga.
Lalo na I'm representing the LORD.
Pero naging marupok ang puso ko. Kagaya ng pa ulit2x kong pagiging marupok noon.
There are things that are just not easy to surrender right away lalo na may batang involve at... lalo na mahal na mahal ko naman sya.
I can see him trying to do his best too to make our relationship better while dealing with anyone's judgment dahil sa binubuo kong counseling program with my ministry with the LORD.
Ramdam ko rin na may mga natitira pang unforgiveness at personal issues ang partner ko dahil sa mga wrong decisions and actions ko noon while healing. (lalo na noong nasa peak ako ng anger ko)
Meaning, I knew in my heart marriage isn't the perfect solution sa case namin.
Just as how marriages of Depressed Cheated Women I counsel were not the guarantee and solution to long, lasting and unbreakable relationship.
So I kept on bargaining to the LORD for Him to make ways.
And in that 7 days full fast, I got the revelation that broke my heart. It was so vivid and... it was what I needed to hear.
I'll be honest...
Nahirapan ako at first to consider God's conviction to me.
It's challenging to be obedient to His instruction while seeing my partner hurting sa decision ko.
It broke my heart seeing him in pain yet choosing God's covenant with me na pinanghahawakan ko hanggang ngayon is rewarding.
God made me the woman who I am today. He is my biggest WHY of pushing this Godly Builders Family and the ultimate reason why I keep doing this ultimate mission of rebuilding families.
I got divine appointments and vision from the LORD of really establishing in these Depressed Cheated Women's hearts their value, authority and trust in His promises.
Yung promises of forever peace and joy that they deserve.
Honestly, may mga panahon na sa decision ko ngayon, feeling kong di ako naiintindihan ng iba.
Yung feeling ko na I am misunderstood.
(Except sa siblings ko na sobrang supportive sa pag choose ko ng battle and service ko kay LORD ngayon)
Kasi nga sa mata ng tao, we might be okay na.
But it's totally NOT OKAY when deep inside you, alam mong mayroong mali.
It's totally unacceptable to bargain with the LORD kung umabot sa point na hindi magnified ang value mo sa relationship mo.
Yung tipong you're trying to push everything para buo ang family and... para maging masaya pero...
Mas may ibang deeper na saya pala na need mong ma experience.
You see...
While studying God's principles of building relationships and marriages...
And while studying men and women's behavior, I've discovered na hindi lang partner ko ang mas maraming need e let go.
Kasi while I was trying to make him change for the better, it's I whom God is constantly changing para sa best version ko.
Truly, God's ways are higher than ours.
Sa ngayon, masasabi kong ibang klase ang peace of mind at saya that I enjoy.
I currently serve our church and grow deeper in faith pa.
Walang takot, worries or any hesitation of moving forward kasi alam ko na ang lalaking minamahal ko ay handled with care ni LORD.
Sa tamang panahon, when it's His will and perfect time according to my secret covenant with Him, He will make things beautiful even more than I imagine.
Listen.
Hindi ko alam ang exact story ng journey mo .
Whether mas pinaglaban mo ba or... nag let go ka na rin sa marriage or relationship mo.
Whether masaya na kayo or whether hindi pa rin enough ang tingin mo sa sarili mo.
Ang alam ko lang... one day, lahat ng desires ng puso mo at deserve mo will happen as long as you seek God's purpose sa buhay mo.
You don't need to stay in bitterness and suffering. There is a way to balance between holding on and letting go. (Find out how by clicking here).
Treat yourself with the best approach to counseling and healing after cheating through the HAC program.
To your peace and joy,
FJ Lapera
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