I saw something the other day that troubled me.
It brought me back painful memories of how I uncovered the betrayal.
It's this another tip daw kung paano makakuha ng evidence sa panloloko ng husband using "lalamove".
Basically, nag book daw sya para maka pa suyo ng pagkuha ng photos or evidence ng husband nya and kung ano2x pa. Then, she just gave him the rest of the tip through GCash.
Familiar ba?
That post garnered lots of comments of those women who did the same.
While some commented na weak and insecure women lang daw ang gumagawa non.
Here's the thing.
In my case, di na ako umabot sa lalamove or any pasuyo sa rider or worst... using anyone to uncover his betrayal.
Di ko na kasi kinailangan ng proof.
The confession literally came out of his mouth.
But before that big day, he already had lots of micro cheating back then that I tolerated and have forgiven easily.
That's why siguro nasanay na sya na everything would simply just go smoothly for him and that the big revelation would still not be a big deal for me.
So it was like another normal day of him asking me if I'm feeling something unusual.
I asked him why and he immediately said...
"May nana kasi sa ari ko. Baka sayo ko to nakuha."
I don't know how to respond because of shock.
I just really never imagined him to betray me and have sex with another woman coz I trusted him so much.
Worst is when I asked for more details, di ako naging satisfied sa sagot and he seemed to be covering up for something I needed to know.
Yung naging confident kasi ako noon na hanggang micro cheating lang ang gagawin nya coz he would always say na "for connection lang daw" yung pakikipag kaibigan nya sa iba't ibang babae even if ramdam ko noon na pakikipag landian ang intention nya.
Ang tanga ko noon to just let it pass.
Lalo pa at napag uusapan naman din namin ang kasal even before we had a baby and even... after his infidelity.
But basically, my hope and trust after our 7-year relationship just shattered when his infidelity was reveled.
Moreover, at that time, me and our baby just moved to his newly built house for their family as he initially promised to his mom before his death.
Meaning, kasama ko ang pamilya nya so in short... we're already cohabiting. (Na maling mali rin and not aligned sa values ko since the beginning).
Now need ko nga makisama sa lahat ng kapamilya kahit feeling ko I couldn't anymore trust anyone.
That's why with him telling me that line, I couldn't say a word.
How would I even have sex with another man if I'm only at home taking care of our baby at di naman ako lumalabas ng bahay coz I'm having an online job???
Ganun na ba talagang klaseng babae ang tingin nya sa akin?
That's why as I look back...
I felt like it was his strategy para ma lessen ang anger ko.
Sort of psychological war na sinasabi ng karamihan.
Worse???
He told me na sa akin naman daw sya umuuwi at mas malala pa nga raw ang nagagawa ng iba nyang ka tropa.
Which made me feel like I should blame myself or look at myself as the one who had the mistake even if at that point, wala akong ibang nagawa kundi ang magpaka Nanay as a first time mom sa anak namin sa abot ng aking makakaya at... mahalin sya at maging faithful sa kanya while cheering him from afar.
Now why am I telling you these???
For you to do your due diligence.
You must dig and investigate.
As it's written in the Bible that you also need to be wise like a serpent even if you're as gentle as a dove.
Na kahit umabot ka pa sa pagiging detective ay "OKAY" lang dahil...
LAMANG ang may alam.
Na okay lang kahit umabot ka na rin sa pagpapa lalamove kagaya nung nabasa kong post the other day.
Na mas malala ang pwedeng mangyari sa "HEALTH" mo kung ramdam mong may mali na pero pinagpapa walang bahala mo lang.
Na kapag walang reality sa pagbabago ng husband mo or wala talaga syang commitment for it ay magiging pa ulit2x ang lahat ng nagawa at ginagawa nya.
That tolerating an indecent and unacceptable cheating kahit micro-cheating pa kung tawagin ng iba won't be beneficial to your mental health.
That YOU are both bound to the transparency law kaya kung ano man ang mga concerns mo ay need mo ma voice out and... need nya maintindihan.
Coz you know what ...
Spilling this shameful past that I had with him like me having S.T.D is a big deal for me.
Big deal dahil nakakahiya sya for me at nakaka degrade ng pagkatao ko.
Kasi sino ba naman ang gugustuhin na e broadcast ang nangyaring kababuyan sayo???
But as much as I'd love to hide this from everyone forever...
The Lord kept bugging me and I had no peace unless I share this publicly.
Which I did.
That even if I loved covering him up and protecting his dignity alang2x sa anak namin... I needed to finally speak my truth for the sake of the voiceless.
Coz the biggest reason WHY I'm sharing this is because of those women who needed to hear this.
Para to sa mga naging students ko who are still having this fear of S.T.D or those sa mga naka experience ng kagaya sa akin na hanggang ngayon, may still be blaming themselves for what happened even if di naman nila kasalanan.
It's for those who are afraid of this "TABOO" topic.
At para na rin sa mga nasusuka pa rin each time ma remember ang kababuyang ginawa ng asawa nila.
It's for me to SHOW YOU that there's life after betrayal and you'll get MORE CLARITY in moving forward with someone who already managed the painful lies, has results after persevering from all the trauma, and that someone who actually cares about you…
…and not how less other people think of you.
Again, how damaging or shameful na magka "TULO" mula sa lalaking minahal mo ng sobra because of his infidelity isn't the point for this email.
Rather, what I want to highlight is the fact that each shame or dark past that you may have contains "opportunity points" that are completely invisible to most betrayed women.
Almost nobody realizes that sometimes in the next hour, an unexpected blessing or a helping hand is going to arrive, then slip by unnoticed.
This is what I mean when I say that Healing After Cheating is more about 'spotting opportunities' not only for growth inside your marriage but also looking for CLARITY as to what really matter better for you.
So you can have the results you wanted faster rather than looking back and blaming him or yourself from everything that have happened.
Kasi nga kahit gaano ka pa ka-expert sa kama, ka ganda, ka bango, ka yaman, ka puti or... ka talented, it's not easy for him to resist temptation kung hindi talaga buo at klaro ang commitment nya sa pagsasama nyo.
But if you focus on the real problem either from you or from him PLUS the right skill to solve that problem...
You don't even have to blame anyone anymore or be bitter.
Like the shameful S.T.D I had from the past.
Just like what I said sa last FB Page post ko that I had to brainwash myself to eliminate the 3 scary mentalities to not anymore be bitter.
And for me to:
- Heal fast
- Forgive wholeheartedly
- Thank God for experiencing betrayal
When you finally brainwash yourself too, you'll already have the courage to acknowledge what happened and can simply accept what you could have done better but hold your head high coz you understand that you're as valuable as diamond.
Cheering you on,
FJ “Infidelity and STD Survivor” Lapera
P.S. Speaking of Surviving from all the trauma and pain of betrayal…
I've been getting email replies recently about giving up and even from an Anonymous post inside the HAC Community na honestly, today ko lang napansin and approved coz I've not been active inside the free community na (see screenshot below).
Sorry na.
Naging eBook buyer pa raw sya noon and sa nakikita ko, need nya ng further clarity sa next steps na need nya for their case and... support system na rin lalo na at manganganak na sya. She's also not inside our GB Fam kaya naiintindihan ko how she feels.
So if you're like any of them, you're in for a treat.
Aside from our Healing After Cheating (HAC) Advice LIVE Episode #3 tomorrow sa FB Page at 3:00 PM where you can freely engage with me, I'll also be giving away FREE access to one of our counseling programs, the most premium so far called The HAC Masterclass (THM).
What's THM?
It's an 8 week program where I teach betrayed women (up to couples if they can have their husband with them) everything I know about the different types of betrayal and specifically diagnose their case and match the solution to their specific problem with weekly tasks for feedback.
Yep. SPECIALIZED TO YOUR CASE WITH WEEKLY FEEDBACK.
And you stand a chance to get a FREE pass sa masterclass na to on tomorrow’s email update. :-)
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