It's been almost a month na pala since I last wrote to you here .
And I'm not sure if you still remember me.
But if you've been a long-time follower sa FB or here sa emails ko, I guess yeah... you still do.
So the last email blast I did for all of my email subscribers including you, I shared how I'd love to give to you the one biggest lesson I've learned out of the heartbreaking event na ngyari sa buhay ko.
That was all about forgiveness.
And... it's not all about forgiving the man I once loved but a man who's also dear to my heart.
My brother-in-law.
If married ka na or ngayong buhay may-asawa na...
I'm sure you know how challenging it is na makisama sa in-laws.
Be it father or mother-in-law, sister or brother in law... and even closest relatives ng naging partner ng siblings mo or siblings nga ng husband mo.
Ang gulo noh?
haha...
Basta in-laws!
I'm sure brainy ka para naman di ma gets of what I mean.
Anyway, sa case ko, husband sya ng ate ko.
It was a simple fight over my son and his daughter.
Here's the thing...
Kapag ang ending ng love story mo with your husband after his betrayal ay separation, annulment or divorce...
Aside sa roller coaster ride ng emotions, circumstances and opportunities sa buhay mo...
There would be double or triple the pain and challenges sa anak mo.
Often times kasi kapag toddlers pa, there would be behavioral issues and pag lumaki naman, they would question their worth kung bakit di sila naging enough reason para mag stick ang parents nila sa isa't isa.
Although di naman nila kasalanan talaga, they're the most affected.
That's why even if I know I'm focusing on character development sa anak ko bago pa man academics because of what happened to us...
...I knew how important his lack of father figure is.
And since my brother-in-law and sister (not the recent one na kinasal ha) have no son...
And since basically, longing din sa anak na lalaki si kuya...
He's getting fond of my son.
But another problem came.
This fondness led to jealousy ng eldest daughter nya.
I noticed kasi how she would be jealous kung isasama minsan ni kua sa mga lakad nya ang anak ko at lalo na dahil tinatawag na papa si Kua.
At dahil nga dalawang babae ang anak ni Kua at mas kamukha nya ang bunso... mas naging favorite nya ang bunso.
Which means...
Sa kanilang pamilya pa lamang ay nakulangan na ng pagmamahal sa ama ang panganay.
Kaya't nakakalungkot man sabihin at kahit I know she still cares about my son... minsan talaga ei napagbabalingan nya ng jealousy ang anak ko.
Now here's what happened...
Before the wedding of our eldest sister...
Dahil naging so much busy ako sa printing stuff, dumating sa point na napagsabihan ko ang panganay ni Kua.
I've already educated them and they knew about the jealousy kaya naman aware sila.
But there's this one moment na gustong makipaglaro ng anak ko sa pinsan nya na yun but she's not in the mood kaya nasisigawan ang anak ko.
Bilang nanay na naririnig yun, nasaktan ako at napagsabihan ko sya hanggang sa nagkasagutan kami ng brother-in-law ko.
Moreover, I realized na kahit naging fond sya sa anak ko, at kahit nakita kong hindi maganda ang behavior na pinakita ng eldest nya sa scenario na yun...
at dahil nga naka inom sya at minsan ay super energetic din ng anak ko, kaya dumating kami sa mainit na bakbakan dahil sa ayaw ng mga anak namin to the point na nanahimik ako at di na pumatol sa kung ano pang mga pasaring nya.
I then cried in private and prayed hard to God na ipa realize sa kanya yung situation since I knew his character and sya yung tao na ayaw nirerebuke.
May pagka mataas din ng pride minsan. (Parang ako rin minsan. lol)
And since I know di rin naman ako perfect, nanahimik ako and called for help from the Lord.
I was waiting for the right moment na makapag usap kami ng kalma sya at ng di sya under the influence of liquor.
And I was amazed how fast God worked.
Two (2) days after what happened, he humbled himself and asked sorry.
I told him immediately that I've forgiven him telling him that I'm also not perfect.
And since that day until today, we've been back to the brotherhood we had.
But I'll tell you something...
Forgiving him was kinda challenging for me in the beginning dahil sa mga salitang binitawan nya.
But even before he asked for forgiveness, I chose to forgive para sa peace of mind ko with proper boundaries.
It was my silence without fighting back, telling him indirectly I wasn't okay but still treating him like a human being that made him realize something.
And throughout that period of silence, I was also doing something.
I was looking into what I could have done better.
And I realized na dahil sa mga deadlines na hinahabol ko...
Dahil sa stress at pagod sa mga deliverables, nawalan na rin ako halos ng time sa anak ko kaya mas nangungulit sya ng time sa iba kagaya ng pagpapapansin at pag long ng time sa iba.
And this is the same with our intimate relationships as a couple.
Sa mga panahong sobrang busy mo, there would be those times na napasa mo ang stress at mga sigaw mo sa husband mo...
Mga panahon that you may have also pushed him to seek time sa iba dahil di mo na communicate ng maayos kung ano ang mga pinagkaka abalahan mo.
But the best thing is the realization that you now have forgiven yourself...
You have forgiven him...
And you're looking forward and focusing more to what you can do better moving forward.
Kasi sa totoo lang, when you focused on what you could have done, you'll just be frustrated.
Instead, give thanks for all the lessons you've got out of those messy situations.
Only then you can be more optimistic moving on despite all the pain you've been through.
And dahil nga matagal tagal na rin pala akong di nakapag SHARE ng words of wisdom ko sayo ,
I'll send you another one tomorrow.
And I hope you'll learn something out of it.
For now, I just wanna ask you...
What's your biggest battle about PRIDE and UNFORGIVENESS recently???
Reply to this email and let me know so I can help you more.
To your peace and joy,
FJ "Nagbabalik email" Lapera
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