Toxic people and toxic situations will ALWAYS drain your kindness.
Often times, instead of you winning them, ikaw yung mahihila pababa and...
You'll end up having toxic attitude also.
And this is exactly the situation one of our email subscriber is experiencing right now na na experience ko rin.
Here's what she replied to me asking about her biggest battle about forgiveness and pride:
"I think my biggest battle is that I know I'm not perfect and kapag Galit Ako masasakit na salita na bitawan ko sa kanila kasi feeling ko dina down grade Ako nang pamilya Niya at sya MISMO Yung minamaliit ka masyado kasi feeling nila mas matalino at may pera sila oo Po mahirap Ako mahirap Yung family ko minsan Hindi kami nakaka nang tatlong beses sa Isang araw pero tinuruan naman Ako nag maayos nang aking magulang tinuruan akung makisama mapagkumbaba at higit sa lahat unawain Yung tao pero minsan di ko kaya at subrang daming pain at hatred na sa puso ko naging toxic na rin Ako na tao dahil sa trato nang live in partner ko mahirap makisama sa Tanong alam mong mainamaliit ka at parang dami ko nang inggit sa katawan dahil sa trato sa akin paulit ulit kung pinatawad sila kahit di nman humihingi nag sorry kasi alam ko na tao lang din sila pero di ko namalayan nawala na Ako sa dating Ako naging toxic na Ako Wala na nga akong kaibigan"
I felt her.
I simply copied her exact words here sa email para intense. :)
Well, way back then, kahit di rin naman ako naging perfect talaga bilang tao, I knew that I'm not myself anymore.
For a decade, my biggest mistake was trying to please the father of my son in everything.
Yes.
Almost everything.
Kaya nga pati pag watch ng porn noon pinapatos ko dahil gusto kong maging BEST sa paningin nya.
Ooppsss...
This would be for another email na kasi intense na usapin to. LOL
So yun na nga...
Once you try to please everyone by doing your BEST while losing your values...
You'll lose yourself.
Kasi in the first place, it's NOT your fault kung dumating ka na rin sa pagiging toxic.
Kasi nga, naging toxic din ang environment mo.
This normally happens when your beliefs doesn't align with those people you serve.
Coz you'll question yourself and your worth and in return, hindi na sila ang nagmamaliit sayo.
Minamaliit mo na ang sarili mo.
That's why I admire this email subscriber when she told me this:
Hi Fj,
Yeah ofcourse i still do remember you. I still following your page. You know what its been a year since we separated. The last time i wrote a message to you i was depressed and trying to be strong for my self and for my kids. I think that was january. Now im ok na hopefully. I decided to cut all means of communication with my husband and decided to strt our own life.
I thnk nakatulong skn sa healing ko ung no communication at all sknya. Im not interested on what is going on with his life and his mistress anymore. and yeah she gave birth n rin pla. I strted to focus now with my career and i thnk nakatulong dn para makalimot. Iba dn tlga na once you strted to know your worth and strted to love ur self more. Hndi k n pla magsesettle sa bare minimum anymore.
You know FJ after no contact til last may he tried to reach out, and telling me na babalik sya. Sabi nia ayusin nia daw muna sarili nia. Pero super confused ako, he is giving me mix signals. Until one day narealize ko I dont need him anymore. Di ko n pla tlga sya mahal. If i will accept him again in my life sure mauulit ulit. Kase the way ng mga pinapakita nia na parang until now tinitimbang parin nia. I was never his priority..
I simply replied to her coz she got my attention.
Told her she did the right thing lalo pa at di naman sya pinaglaban ng husband nya.
And she further replied this morning like...
Yeah i think this time tama yung gagawin kong decision. I want to have a complete family but accepting him again na parang walang nagyri is not good. I deserve to be happy and I will not settle for less this time.
True din tlga na walang pagsisisi sa una laging nasa huli. I was puzzled lng sa mga sinabi nia na ayaw niang sabhin sa kabet n ngkita kami and nguusap kase baka daw gumawa ng eskandalo, for God sake its like ako ang tinatago ngaun. Its a wake up call tlga not to give him chance anymore.
Staying in a toxic relationship for the sake n sabihin ng taong kumpleto ang pamilya is like putting your self on fire which will continue to harm you at the end right?
And yes...
She's right.
Fighting for your "complete family" for the sake of pleasing your children or pleasing other people would be challenging if hindi ikaw ang pinipili and...
If toxic ang nakagisnang mindset ng pamilya.
At lalo na kapag di ikaw ang priority.
Alam mo ...
Since I've counseled Depressed Cheated Women...
I would always say na marriage restoration is always possible after betrayal "kahit nga nagka anak pa sa labas" for as long as BOTH kayo pinipili ang isa't isa..and... PRIORITY ang relationship moving forward.
Kaya nga bilib din ako kay Carlos Yulo, the 2 Gold Champion ng Pinas recently sa Olympics who brought pride sa Philippines this year.
Why?
Coz he fought for his girlfriend from his mom's misconceptions.
If di mo alam ang story, first time ng Pinas maka sungkit ng magka sunod na gold from the Olympics from Artistic Gymnastics.
And may issue ang mag ina dahil sa pamamahiya ng ina nya sa kanya online and pag disown even before he got the title.
Moreover, his mom allegedly stole his hard-earned money raw in the past and judged his now girlfriend even before meeting and knowing her.
And honestly, I really couldn't judge him or either his mom for their behavior.
I know BOTH of them may mga hugot.
But one thing for me is sure.
First, Respect is earned.
Second, TRUST matters.
And lastly, a son or daughter will always look back to his/her parents once they felt the genuine love and support no matter what.
Just like in relationship with husband and wives.
A wife would continually respect her husband pag sya rin ay nagpakita ng respeto.
And the biggest disrespect a man can do is belittling what her woman can achieve or do.
Yung hindi pagsuporta and panghuhusga sa skills, talents, abilities at pati background mo bilang babae ay napakalaking disrespect from your husband.
So you can't blame yourself if you lost your respect sa kanya.
And ofcourse, pag nagloko sya, he needs to earn your trust.
Hindi pwede na kapag pinatawad mo ay okay na.
This is the common mistake ng mga infidels ei.
They would think everything is okay after you giving him the chances.
The truth is, nagpatawad ka dahil mahal mo.
Pero yung trust, need nya pa rin patunayan yun in the process.
And the biggest mistake you can do is accept him again sa buhay mo and be intimate with him without his genuine remorse.
Coz believe me...
Gagawin nya pa rin ulit ang betrayal.
And the next one around would be more painful, more deadly.
And of course, kagaya ng mga naririnig mo...
Babalik at babalik talaga sayo ang husband mo once he realizes how genuine is your love compared to his "kabit".
But you'll also know he loves you genuinely kaapg kaya nyang e let go lahat ng past mistakes nya and change his ways di lamang para sayo but...
Number 1 is para sa sarili nya.
Coz remember...
He can't win you if he can't win himself first.
So yun lang for today.
If you reached this far, malamang solid follower ka ng emails ko.
And for that, I appreciate you! ^_^
And I bet may mga nabago na rin sayo for the better since you read my emails.
So tomorrow, I'll send you another email.
Stay tuned! :)
To choosing healthy people with you,
FJ "Naging toxic din noon while healing" Lapera
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