Hi Friends,
Over the past month, I've been refining my goals bit by bit. Asking questions like:
- What are they key outcomes you really want to create?
- What distractions or lack of clarity is stopping you?
- What do you need to learn and become to create those outcomes?
- What are 3 courageous actions you can take toward your future self in the next 7 days?
These questions have helped me examine and clarify my goals further. One key separation I keep in mind comes from this story I heard recently as I was listening to The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga about the difference in viewing life as a set of destinations or as a journey
Life as a set of destinations or as a journey
In the book, there is a story between two characters, the youth and the philosopher, as the youth is trying to understand what the philosopher is claiming when he says:
Life is a series of moments, which one lives as if one were dancing, right now, around and around each passing instant.
In essence, the youth is asking what the philosopher means about this 'dance of life' or what many would call the journey of life. The difference between life as a set of destinations and life as a journey. Here is an excerpt from the chapter Live Like You're Dancing:
Youth: Ah, I'm getting confused... What is this about a journey?
Philosopher: What kind of goal is the act of going on a journey? Suppose you are going on a journey to Egypt. Would you try to arrive at the Great Pyramid of Giza as efficiently and quickly as possible, and then head straight back home by the shortest route? One would not call that a 'journey.' You should be on a journey the moment you step outside your home, and all the moments on the way to your destination should be a journey. Of course, there might be circumstances that prevent you from making it to the pyramid, but that does not mean you didn't go on a journey.
I love this: A journey to the Great Pyramid of Giza is an experience the moment you embark on the journey. I would even say, it begins the moment you commit to the possibility of the experience. That is when the journey begins! That is to say, the value you system you depend on and live by during a journey is much different than the value system you depend on aiming for a destination.
What about your journey?
This year has been an exploration of my own personal value system. Where I am living from (more on this in the section below). Most people I know, generally, as a mortgage is added, children, or increased adult responsibilities, life seems to begin to go from a journey to a set of destinations. So, what about your journey? Where are you living from? Does everyday seem like a path to a destination? Or, is it a journey that you traverse with curiosity and exploration?
The resistance of living life as a journey
The difference between living life to a set of destinations and living life as a journey has specific points of resistance. Mainly two I'm going to share here:
1. Where are you living from?
In my home growing up, we spent most of our life living around three '-ests': cheapest, fastest, easiest. Now, in some cases, this is truly valuable. To have a keen mind to search for a bargain, be efficient, or simplify life is a wonderful tool. But these '-ests' don't translate to everything. At times, they don't translate well to relationships, to travel, or to serving others. The book gives a good example of this. The author continues,
"If the goal of climbing a mountain were to get to the top... it wouldn't matter if you went... in a helicopter, stayed there for five minutes or so, and then headed back in the helicopter again."
If the goal is just get to the top of the mountain and your value system is 'fastest,' then a helicopter would work. But you would miss so much in the process. Which leads to my next point, slow moments.
2. Enjoying Slow moments
I remember traveling through London with a friend from the city. He was taking me around the city and showing me tourist attractions. I loved it. Until about three hours in, I looked and him and said, "Hey, can we slow down?" He looked at me puzzled. I said, "Can we take a seat here and just take in this view of the London eye and city life happening around us." He thought I was tired. Jet lag. No, I've learned that I most enjoy the slow moments, gradually taking in what I see, feel, hear, touch, and smell. Slow moments in-between it all. But these slow moments are so quick to miss and easy to overlook, that they are often missed.
What is the value system you want to be remembered by?
When someone shares a story of a loved one - like making burgers on the grill at 2am with their dad or enjoying a surprise family vacation or reminiscing on the slow moments of enjoying Sunday breakfast each week with as a family - this reveals something about that person's value system. This year back in January I decided to live from three places - value, connection, and integration. More details below:
- Value > Cost: I am learning to buy things that I believe will bring value to me, not based on cost. I know this may be a luxury, but it's helped me invite new opportunities into my life I never would have considered solely based on cost.
- Relationship Connection: I am learning to cherish moments with family and friends that I'll remember in the future, rather than focusing on the cheapest, fastest, or easiest.
- Emotional Integration: As my newsletter last week on Mental Health and befriending trauma (highly recommend the read), I believe emotional integration inside of myself is important. The main theme is, "The more you heal the more you see your true self."
Final note on your journey - the dance of life
The difference between life as a set of destinations and life as a journey can be summed up by living in the difference between life lived in haste versus curiosity.
I hope you find what you may be seeking that is already around you right now.
Yes. With dance, it is the dancing itself that is the goal, and no one is concerned with arriving somewhere by doing it... There is no destination. - The Courage to Be Disliked, Page 249
My favorite finds this week
- Free 30-Day Course: Future Self Program by Benjamin Hardy. Benjamin Hardy is an Organizational Psychologist who wrote the book Personality isn't Permanent. You can access his 30 day course free here.
- Article: Validation: 5 Things Not to Say. One of the most powerful tools of communication and connection is validation. In some cases, it's becoming a last art with on social posts. This article is a simple but effective reminder of what validation is and ways to incorporate it into your relationships.
- Quote: "In one of the most cited studies of expert problem solving ever conducted, an interdisciplinary team of scientists came to a pretty simple conclusion: successful problem solvers are more able to determine the deep structure of a problem before they proceed to match a strategy to it." - From David Epstein in Range - Why Generalist Triumph in a Specialized World (book review coming soon)
All in,
David
---
By David Iskander
I'm David, a search specialist, and beginner YouTuber from Orange County, CA. My motto is: Whatever you do, do it beautifully. I enjoy making YouTube videos about website design, tech, productivity, and faith.
0 comments