Hello and happy Saturday to you, !

I hope this kooky weekend—in which people from all over North America will be inadvertently late for brunch, soccer games, church and all manner of Sunday morning meetings—is treating you well.

Last Wednesday was International Women's Day. It passed without a mention in the Bloom household, which is 100% fine. Given my darling Dave does 90% of the cooking, I feel like I live in a rare state of gender equality and fairness, without expectations placed on me just because I was born with breasts and a vagina.

** If you prefer to stay out of other people's bedrooms, here's your fair warning to scroll quickly past the story to the free book at the bottom of this message! **

It's a funny thing, being a romance author as opposed to, for instance, a horror writer or crime fiction author. I have friends who write in virtually every genre of fiction and non-fiction (I'm the co-founder of a dynamic community for authors and for five years engaged in real time with them every week) so I have reliable, anecdotal evidence about the claim I'm about to make:

People who don't read romance are weirdos.

There I said it.

And I base this statement on the fact that none of my non-romance author friends have ever been asked questions like these:

"So ... did you experiment with disemboweling small animals to write your mystery?"

"Wow! I'm impressed with how much detail you put into the scene that takes place on Mars. When did you visit?"

"Man, I would have loved to have been a fly on a very protected wall while you were learning how to create pipe bombs. That scene had me riveted; it was like being there with you."

Etcetera and so on ... People understand that murder mysteries, science fiction, thrillers, horror novels, are stories drawn from the authors' imaginations.

And yet, without exception, my friends who write romance have all been asked if they write sex scenes based on their personal experience. It's only a lot awkward! At least, for many authors it is.

For me? Meh. The fact that my first romance is a story about firefighters who fall in love, and both Dave and I were firefighters, I suppose, makes it a fairish question from neighbours.

Sort of. Not really.

I have been asked more than a handful of times. And, because my polite response filter was damaged when I was seventeen, I'll inevitably give a TMI answer like ...

"The donut scene was taken straight from our bedroom. I do not recommend custard filling if you're prone to UTIs."

Or, "Some were based on sex with Dave, others with my ex-husband. Oh! And the one ..." I look away, as if embarrassed, "yeah, that one was a one-night stand I had in Toronto." And then I fan myself.

For gracious, goodness sake!

I can always tell a romance reader from a person who isn't because even though a romance reader might be curious ... you're smart enough to understand that romance novels are fiction and not ask of the sex scenes are autobiographical!

Do romance novels get your sex right?

One thing I've noticed in a majority of the romance I read is that women are almost always dripping wet with desire. First ... 😳. And second ... it has been at least twenty years since my body spontaneously erupted into a vagina geyser at the mere brush of a man's fingertip on my neck ... it takes A LOT longer than a mere touch and my neck is nowhere near the fingertip in question.

And orgasming with simply intercourse, without a very ... long ... focused ... period of foreplay? Just no. Not when I was young and self-lubricating and certainly not now.

And yet the majority of heroines I read, in books I really like by authors I admire and aspire to be as popular as, are freaking sex goddesses with a push button start like the hot chocolate dispenser at 7/11.

I do my best to keep sex real in my stories, so lube plays a role in all of them (I'm pretty sure).

And since you didn't ask, I'll answer the unspoken question:

Do you write scenes with lube since you use it?

And my answer is yes. And no.

Yes, I include the lube since my personal experience includes it.

But really I include it since I know that most women actually need that slippery slope to feeling fine and I don't want to leave readers feeling like their body might not be working right if every damn sex scene they ever read includes an on-call Old Faithful coming to the rescue when things, ahem, get hard.

Yesterday, I was in a meeting with an author friend named Lewis. And talk turned to sex, as it does when I'm a room! He's a gay man who writes fantasy and is planning a scene between male lovers and was wondering if I had tips since all the gay romance he's read is outrageously inaccurate to his experience.

(The majority of all romance, including male/male is not only written by women, but read by women, so getting it right, I guess, isn's as important as fulfilling a woman's fantasy.)

It left me thinking, wondering about your sex life, !

Not that I expect you to spill the tea—though I do love a good cuppa—but I'm curious if stories you read with open door sex scenes reflect your reality, either now or when sex was part of your life.

I cannot recall reading a sex scene in which the man has erectile dysfunction ... hello, reality?

Nor can I think of a single story where the heroine stops things since she has her period. I mean, okay, do we really want to read about periods in a story meant to take us away from the drudgery of every day life (and menstruation, when I was still in that stage, was certainly something I didn't want to think about if I didn't have to).

What about being an older heroine who gets legs cramps when she's in one position too long? Or can't lie on her back since she has an injury that makes most laying down positions uncomfortable? Or frankly, has to psyche herself up to have sex since her sex drive left the building before the Trump administration took office.

I get that romance is an escape, so I'm truly curious if "escaping" includes not seeing your experiences accurately represented in the stories.

Or, if you would like to see more diverse scenes with sex in the romance books you read.

Abortion was a no-go topic until authors got brave

Romance authors, like all authors, want to please readers. Which, on the flip side of the coin, means we write always hoping to not displease you.

So many, most of us I believe, who write contemporary and romantic comedy try to avoid trigger topics.

I'm curious, are the realities of real life sex also triggery to you or, have we assumed something that's just not true?

Can we authors do better? And if so, how?

What would you like to see better represented in the love stories you read, whether bedroom doors are open or closed?

What is one thing that a romance author could include in—or take out of—their stories to make you swoon a little more?

These are not rhetorical questions! I'm truly curious.

And just for fun ...

A few months ago, Dave and I ran out of the lube we've been using for our entire relationship. I left it to him to buy more. He went to Amazon and bought the right brand, but not the right kind.

I hate how that lube feels.

The one I wanted wasn't available so he did what one does and bought some at the grocery store. And it was ten times worse!

We tried a scent-free, all natural massage oil. We both agreed, it was the weirdest feeling ever.

Luck had it that we had to be in the city last weekend, in the neighbourhood where I used to always buy my fave lube. They were open. We went in. It's a sex positive shop run by a woman in her sixties. Their tagline is Celebration and Empowerment of Women’s Sexuality.

I asked about my lube and she showed me a small bottle. All she had in stock. It was tiny. So, I asked what would be the next best thing in a larger bottle, since we don't go to the city often.

She apologized for the name of the product, saying she hated the branding, but that the quality is why she carried it. She let me rub some on my fingers. I walked around the shop for at least four minutes rubbing my thumb against my fingers to make sure the feeling lasted and was right!

If you'd like to guess which bottle is the sub-par product that came from the grocery store and which one she sold us, click here. The image needs to be big to read and I don't want to fill your screen with it!

Free book ... you earned it today!

Alpha Male High Heat BBW Romance

James is back in town and he's about to win the heart of his best friend's older sister - no matter what it takes.

I'm a firefighter. Or I was, until an accident sent me packing my bags and returning home. It's time I settle down anyway. Madison is my best friend's older sister and now that I'm back, I'm going to make that curvy goddess mine. I will worship every inch of her beauty, no matter what it takes.

Firefighter Love is an alpha male high heat BBW romance featuring second chance romance and a steamy climax. This is a standalone short where the young, muscular firefighter gets the older, curvy girl he's always fantasized about.

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That's all from my messy office.

I hope you can take a couple of minutes to let me know where you think we romance authors could do better to be more inclusive. Let me know. I try to always write back—though sometimes it takes several days or a week.

love and slipperystuff,

Danika

xo

PS: My next novel features a couple who are older—a forty-two-year-old billionaire hero and a thirty-eight-year-old heroine. It's a romcom called, The Billionaire's Shrubbery and if you pre-order it's only $2.99. When it releases it will be $4.99.