As it says in The Great Gatsby:

“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is watching their whole world fall apart and all they can do is stare blankly.”

That’s exactly the definition of my September last year.

All my clients left. The startup I worked with was very inconsistent about their work arrangements, and soon, I found myself going to the Bureau of Employment to add myself to the long list of unemployed people.

My best friend, my granny, had passed away three months prior, leaving a huge hole in my chest that just spread and grew deeper whenever something bad happened in my life.

It wasn't the first time I felt so hopeless and depressed, and although I have learned how to get out of every bad situation, this tunnel of darkness felt infinite, and for the first time, I really thought that things won’t get better.

With the death of my granny, all my childhood innocence has gone, and so did optimism, you know that feeling when you’re scared that you’ll get a bad grade, or you’re going to be picked on. Somehow, grannies always had that power to make things less scary.

For me, September has always been my favorite month. I believe that’s because we were hardwired with the school beginning, and our productivity naturally surging. It’s no secret most internships and job openings appear in September, as well as courses and learning resources.

But it had been two years since I last felt that. Every morning began with a crying spell, followed by hours of moping around. It’s as if content creation was the only thing keeping me alive.

It’s true that for most big things you need a bit of luck. But that luck doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s a consequence of a million small steps you took daily, that guide you towards your rebirth.

Here’s what I did every day to guide myself out of my misery and seize the opportunities that brought me here today:

• Since the job market was very unstable, I decided to not waste my time applying to millions of boards. Instead, I browsed solely freelance gigs and jobs on Upwork, Fiverr and PPH. I’d apply in 3 waves, morning, noon and early evening.
• Every day, I focused on getting at least one thing done. I wrote 1500-2000 words per day for my thesis, which helped build consistency and discipline.
• I built my presence on Mermaid daily. I’d post at least 5 times a week, sometimes even all 7 days.
• I started reading books and watching tutorials hoping I’d learn something I didn’t know before.
• I talked with people who have also been laid off in hopes of seeing a new perspective.
• I journaled to get at least a shred of anxiety and feeling of impending doom off my chest and back.
• Every night I’d pray and affirm myself with imaginary motivational speeches in my head.

Eventually, I found a few clients to sustain the situation. But, maintaining them when you’re so tired and burnt out is another story. Sometimes, that huge mountain you climbed is just a hill to an even bigger mountain lying behind.

But it’s still higher than rock bottom, it’s still a hope in a world where everything is falling apart.

Thank you for reading this, and if you’re going through a hard time, I hope this message motivates you and helps you find at least one thing worth doing and being grateful for. If you need any help, or want to share your feedback, feel free to reach back to me!

If you need career guidance in data science or AI, check my guides and roadmaps out!

Love, Danica

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