Opening A Shop Attracts Lots Of Cyber Gremlins 🤖
Mar 08, 2023 4:01 pm
So I've learned a "hard truth" yet again.
Unless you're a cyber guru (which I'm not) or can afford to hire someone else to do it for you (which I can't), ain't no way an indie author can connect all the pieces of an online shop in just 2 weeks' time. 😣
Here's how my life has gone throughout the past week:
📜 C.L. Carhart: Uploading ebooks (products) to a Shopify store takes a LOT less time than uploading ebooks to ANY of the retailers!
🤖 Shopify Gremlin: Your shop's emails are marked as spam.
📜 C.L. Carhart: Oh. Right. Have to sign up for Klaviyo (an email newsletter provider that tracks sales & income).
🤖 Klaviyo Gremlin: Good luck with setting up a signup page on your store.
📜 C.L. Carhart: -works on it for hours, but it still looks wonky-
🤖 Klaviyo Gremlin: You also need a welcome flow for new customers, to introduce them to you & your books.
📜 C.L. Carhart: -works on it for hours-
🤖 Shopify Gremlin: Your shop's emails are still marked as spam.
📜 C.L. Carhart: -cursing- So I'm going to have to set up an "official" email that comes directly from my domain? No more Gmail?
🤖 Squarespace Gremlin: I may be your domain provider (and formerly your website provider...how dare you abandon me!), but I don't offer email! 😝
📜 C.L. Carhart: WTF
🤖 Google Workspace Gremlin: You can set up an "official" email with my help using your Squarespace domain. But it costs 💰💰💰💰
📜 C.L. Carhart: -already out of 💰 thanks to signing up for Shopify-
🤖 Namecheap Gremlin: I can help! (But is there a catch?)
US Shop "Soft Launch" On Friday
As you can see, all of the cyber gremlins I've grappled with this week have fried my brain. I also found out that Microsoft Word (where I write my books, and yes, I know I ought to use a "better" program than that to write) doesn't like huge documents. Took me about a day of tweaking to get it to quit freezing due to the 880,000+ words and 2,500+ pages the HNWA Giant Box Set has become.
So the giant box set won't be ready by Friday, March 10th. 😔
We'll have to wait until Monday, March 20th for the big moment.
In the meantime, I'm holding a "soft launch" of my shop for US readers on March 10th-13th (this Friday through Monday). I still have to set up international markets & register to remit VAT (yikes) before I can sell to non-US readers. Going to try to get my ducks in a row there by the 20th, but we all know how slow government-related processes tend to move.
(Yes, I'll be shouting it from the rooftops once I can sell internationally.)
I've currently got 12 of my ebooks loaded on my shop, and I've bought all 12 of them myself, so it looks like my system is working so far. Best part? You can buy my ebooks with a credit card, PayPal, Apple Pay, Google Pay, or Venmo! If you're not a fan of PayPal, you won't have to use it at all this time around. 🙂
So how does it work? Pick an ebook from my shop, pay for it using whatever payment type you prefer, and then keep an eye out for an email from BookFunnel that will deliver your ebook. (And yes, it works. I tried it 12 times and now I have 12 of my own books that I totally didn't need. 🤣)
Are you ready to join me for my shop's soft launch?
Become A Shop VIP & Get 15% Off
I mentioned before that I'll be setting up a brand new email newsletter connected to my shop (using the Klaviyo program). No, that doesn't mean I'm getting rid of this newsletter! What you get from me every Wednesday is my "author newsletter," which is me blabbing hopefully about fantasy romance books with my fingers crossed that you might read & enjoy my stuff.
My shop newsletter will focus on discounts, early releases, limited time offers, and all sorts of special deals you can find ONLY on my shop. I can run random sales on my books without dropping their prices on the retailers (because Amazon doesn't consider my little ol' shop to be competition 😉).
The first deal? If you join my shop newsletter before or during the soft launch, you'll get a discount code for 15% off your first order. You can apply the code at checkout to slash the prices of everything in your cart. That means you can use it for more than just 1 of my ebooks. You can get all 12 at a discount if you want!
The discount code expires at midnight on 3/14/23.
And no. I'm not revealing the code here. You have to join my shop newsletter to get in the discount loop.
If you're in, feel free to join at the link below. (And yes, my signup page is wonky right now. No, I haven't gotten the chance to actually write a welcome flow yet. If you join now, you'll get to watch me stumble around like a weirdo trying to learn something new. And you'll get a 15% discount code. 😎)
https://manage.kmail-lists.com/subscriptions/subscribe?a=SkLJr7&g=T9DxLS
HNWA Giant Box Set Snippet
Since it's probably been a while since you've thought much about my debut series, I figured it might be a good idea to drop a snippet from HNWA Book 2, Mystic Passage, here in today's newsletter. Swanie, an icy Teuton witch, takes a harrowing journey from the modern era to 11th century Muniche, where she attempts to integrate with medieval society. At a summer celebration in the city, Swanie comes across a man who isn't supposed to exit.
Aaaaaand he's hot. In more ways than one. 🔥
* * *
Eventually my eyes moved back to the crowd below, focusing on a cluster of four men not too far away from where I sat at the fountain. Their attire indicated nobility; they sat around a large barrel, engaged in what looked like a rousing game of cards. I wondered what sort of card games people played in the eleventh century, smiling to myself at the memory of playing Watten with Hans. I doubted that I would ever be able to learn any medieval card games, because such ventures were probably considered too base for women.
The men appeared to be wholly enjoying their game, three of them hollering and laughing from time to time, all of them quaffing mugs of ale. Ultimately, my attention fell upon the quiet one of the bunch, a young man who looked to be in his mid-twenties, clean-shaven, dressed in deep red and black robes of nobility, several gold chains adorning his neck. Unlike the others in his group, he rarely laughed or made any comments, but his expression implied that he, in fact, had been winning the game from the start. His straight hair was black and hung down past his shoulders, and his fingers, holding the cards, looked both agile and strong.
A moment before I turned my concentration back to Joel and the others, the young man looked up from his cards and our eyes met. His face took on a hue of surprise and interest as he observed me and I averted my gaze quickly, shocked by the overwhelming darkness that seemed to emanate from his visage. I threw myself back into the ladies’ conversation with gusto, trying to ignore his awful stare that seemed to bore into my back.
Several minutes later, the teen girls from the Adler estate began to talk about joining in the dancing. I glanced at the young card player once more out of the corner of my eye, relieved to see that he no longer looked at me. I tapped Lady Adeline on the shoulder and asked, “Who is that man?” pointing toward him.
The lady’s blue-gray eyes rested on him temporarily. Then she looked swiftly away, shivering in spite of the summer heat, her expression distasteful. “That, my dear Swanhilde, is a very bad man,” she informed me, her tone quiet. “Good women want nothing to do with him, for he has no honorable intentions.”
I frowned at her words, glancing again toward the card players, who seemed to be finishing up their match. I did not know the eleventh century definition of dishonorable intentions, so I asked, “Why, does he steal kisses from noble ladies on their own front porches?”
Lady Adeline shook her head slowly, her mouth turning downward at my ignorance. “No, my darling, he is much worse than that. He is the executioner.” I jerked at that pronouncement and almost missed her next words. “It is a pity that even the noble family of Bayern could not be spared the pain of the black sheep son.”
“Oh, is he related to the Prince?” I shot another guarded glance toward the card players, who were rising from their seats, trying to pick out some family resemblance in the long-haired one.
Lady Adeline tittered softly and murmured in my ear, “He is Augustin von Bayern, Prince Otto’s oldest brother. It would have been better for the Prince had that one not been born, I’m afraid.” Lady Adeline chuckled again and turned away, saying that she needed to depart and meet up with her children and their nanny. She promised to catch up with me again later.
I could not choke out any sort of reply, for shock had flooded my veins at her careless statement: Augustin von Bayern, Prince Otto’s oldest brother. I mouthed the name to myself, once, twice, my brow furrowing in confusion.
Before coming to the eleventh century, I had read every pertinent writing I could get my hands on, Teuton, German, American, even those three pages authored by the cursed Black Priest. None of the writings I had read—none of them—had made even the slightest reference to an Augustin von Bayern. I had read copious notes on Prince Otto and his older brother Paulus who had joined the Catholic Church, passing on the responsibility of ruling the city to the younger one. But I had read positively nothing on a third Bayern brother, older or younger. Augustin von Bayern. The executioner. He did not exist. That did not make sense.
For a long time I sat and stared blindly at the ground, wracking my brain to come up with some plausible explanation for the apparent existence of a mysterious Bayern brother, a black sheep, the executioner. I did not notice someone standing in front of me until he spoke. “I beg your pardon, my lady,” the voice began in a sonorous tone, bringing my head up sharply, “but I should like you to give me the honor of a dance.”
I found myself staring into the eyes of the executioner, the very Augustin von Bayern, who stood centimeters from where I sat, his body blocking out the sun. His eyes were the striking blue of the summer sky, light and mesmerizing. If his countenance had not exuded such a strong air of internal fury and discontent, he would actually have been very handsome, almost gorgeous. I leaned away from his imposing stance, calculating what the noble ladies might think and what might happen to my reputation if I accepted his offer. This was the city executioner. I probably should not share a dance with this dealer of death.
But as I looked up at him, at his sky blue eyes and long black hair, blowing slightly with the breeze, my ice within me told me that he was fire. It had been too long since my last dance with fire. The problem was, I likely would not be allowed to dance an elemental dance, even at a Teutonic festival in the most Teutonic city of Bavaria. Outsiders still roamed the streets, and most of the dances thus far had resembled peasantry skipping and leaping, with no elements.
Finally, I summoned my courage and answered the executioner with full propriety, “I am afraid that I will have to decline, my lord. I do not believe I know these dances.”
The executioner’s chiseled expression darkened further as he declared, “You must know some sort of dancing, my lady, for they tell me you were born here.”
My mouth fell open in shock, and I leaned even further away, disturbed that he seemed to know so much about me when we had never officially met. The young man’s harsh expression thawed a bit at my reaction, and he bowed his head once toward me, assuming the air of the refined young lord. “Forgive me, and allow me to introduce myself, my lady. I am Lord Augustin von Bayern, and you,” he nodded at me again, “are the Lady Swanhilde von Thaden.”
I had finally reasoned out an explanation for his knowledge. “Prince Otto must have told you about me, Lord von Bayern.”
Aversion crossed his face at my assumption and he shook his head once, negatively. “Word travels, my lady.” He took one step backward and held out his right hand, his light blue eyes burning me. “Would you dance with me?”
I had the disturbing feeling that this muscular executioner would pull me out to join the dancers himself if I refused again. I rose slowly from my bench and held my left hand out to him with a rather devious smile. “I’ll probably step on your feet.”
The executioner’s expression mirrored mine when he grasped my hand, enclosing it entirely in his strong fingers. “I doubt that,” he responded.
As we danced together with the other townspeople, I struggled to figure out the proper steps while my partner’s far more experienced feet practically floated across the square. I determined to find out all I could about this man who was not supposed to exist, for maybe he knew some of the Prince’s secrets. “You know, I’d never heard of you before today,” I told him when we danced past the musicians, our fingers still linked.
“In that we differ, for I first heard of you about one month before today.” The executioner wore a self-satisfied expression, his eyes suggesting an impending battle of wits.
Of course I would not back down, and I cocked my head at him, resolving to find some sort of weakness in that outer shell of hard darkness. “So you’re Prince Otto’s oldest brother,” I said, trying to discern what type of fire he was.
Annoyance shot across his face as I mentioned his brother’s name a second time. His eyes glowed a slightly deeper sapphire. “That I am,” he replied shortly.
I tilted my head at him again, hardly paying attention to the dance anymore, simply following my partner across the square in the steps of the waltz, though that was not quite right. “You don’t like the Prince,” I surmised, the fire in his eyes not having escaped me. It was a cobalt blue.
“Not particularly, no,” the executioner said, not meeting my gaze. Before I could press the matter, he remarked, “For someone who claims to have been born in Muniche, your accent sounds rather odd, my lady.”
His words irked me, for I had not yet figured out a way to fix that problem. “Well, your speech sounds a bit stranger than that of most of my acquaintances here,” I shot back, sticking my nose up at my partner.
A rather sinister smile broke across his face, and for the first time I got a good look at his teeth. They were a glorious white, the canines quite formidable. “Such proper diction comes as a result of education,” he said, eyeing me as though he assumed I had no education.
I opened my mouth to give some sort of retort, but he cut me off once more, halting his dance, brushing a few stray hairs back from his face with his left hand. “I think we should dance for real, now,” he said, letting go of my hand and flexing his own suggestively.
I knew immediately that he referred to a true elemental dance and I recoiled, my eyes sweeping over the myriad of people milling about the square. “This is a public place,” I reminded the executioner, “and the last time I used my element in public, your brother sorely reprimanded me.”
“Yes, your attack on those poor, unsuspecting nomads.” His tone mocked me, and he glanced around the square as well, taking note of each dancer in turn. He drew himself up then to his full height, brushing off his robes, and held out his hand to me again, his eyes blazing blue. I could literally see the heat waves rising from his palm as he said, his voice resonant and persuasive, “If my brother gives you any grief for this, you may tell him that it was Augustin’s idea.”
* * *
That might have been the moment when this author fell in love with Augustin. Of course he turns out to be a villainous sort at this point in the series, but what's not to love about a male character who matures and improves over time?
If you want all the details of Swanie's forbidden relationship with Augustin, I'd suggest waiting until the HNWA Giant Box Set is out on my shop. I've added a few sizzling bonus scenes that the single books (and the 3-book box sets) don't include, so if you want to learn all of Augustin's secrets, March 20th is just around the corner. Don't forget to join my shop newsletter to stay in the loop!
https://manage.kmail-lists.com/subscriptions/subscribe?a=SkLJr7&g=T9DxLS
Or you can get Mystic Passage today from your favorite retailer.
Smashwords Read An EBook Week
In case none of my fellow indie authors have mentioned this event yet, this is your cue to browse all the amazing ebooks on Smashwords at some point this week. Every March, Smashwords holds a "Read An EBook" event, and many authors discount their books for the occasion. In fact, I just nabbed two half price box sets yesterday—one by Laura Greenwood and one by Arizona Tape. 💖
Here's a link to check out the entire sale:
https://www.smashwords.com/shelves/promos?ref=clcarhart1066
Other Books You Might Like
This week I've got 2 books from my fellow indies for you to consider adding to your collection. One is free with newsletter signup, and the other is available only on Amazon. So today you've got a choice between wolves & fae, or a witch seeking the truth about her family. Take a look!
When Fae Princess Athroxane loses her father in a brutal battle, a blood curse makes her the biggest target of the wolf shifters…dead or alive.
Her only hope is a risky bet to bargain for her life: if she can win the duel against the Alpha, she'll be set free. Except, she loses the battle, binding her to a promise to help lift the curse.
Problem is, the Fae Counsel forbids their kind from associating with wolf shifters, which means Athroxane is forced to choose whose trust she will betray: that of her leads or that of the wolf clan whose Alpha has already proven capable of ending her life.
A Vengeful God. An army of evil warlocks. An inexperienced witch, the world's only hope...
Kaira's life was going according to plan until the death of her mother revealed a world-shattering secret. She was a witch,
To save the world, she’s going to have to find the sisters she didn’t know existed with powers she doesn’t know how to use.
Leif, the driven coven leader, rescues her from the warlocks trying to kill her. Their spark is instant. He’ll teach her how to be a witch if they don’t let their romance get in the way.
Armed with her new skills, aided by her love interest Leif, Kaira embarks on a quest to find her siblings and save the world!
Now it's time for me to meet up with the cyber gremlins again, so I can actually get my shop newsletter running, figure out all this tax stuff, and finish formatting the HNWA Giant Box Set. Don't forget to join my new VIP list and browse my shop this weekend with your 15% discount!
(Yep, I'll be sending a quick note on Friday to remind you. 🤩)
Talk to you soon,
C.L. Carhart
Get 15% off from C.L. Carhart's shop this weekend only:
https://manage.kmail-lists.com/subscriptions/subscribe?a=SkLJr7&g=T9DxLS
C.L. Carhart's shop link (might not be live until March 10th):
Meet Augustin in Mystic Passage: https://books2read.com/hnwamp
Smashwords Read An EBook Week: