Who were you before the world told you who you should become?!?

If there’s ever an email to respond and write back to me to, it is this one. I’d love to hear your response to the question above. 

Nobody else has to know who you were. And to make you at ease, I’ll tell you about me. 

Quick update: I flew into Las Vegas last night. Here’s a photo from my flight.

If you’ve recently started following me, I love sunrises and sunsets so expect more of these in the future. That’s one part of who I’ve always been.

From birth I came out playing sports basically before I could even walk. I’d have my mom up before dawn hitting baseballs with me in the back yard. 

As a toddler I had to have a leash, and not the cute animal leashes they have today, a yellow and white one that attached to my arm. I can still remember it.

I was too much energy to keep up with. My mom had by brother (infant) in one hand, and a very quick 3 year old me to try and keep an eye on. It was a tough job and I’m so grateful that my mom not only kept up with me over the years, she never once tried to slow me down. Neither did my dad, (he was working to provide for us most of the time though).

I have so much in my life to thank because of them. They’re one major reason I try to give back as much as possible because I know how well I had it in my house. 

Fun(ny) fact...

I got put in timeout in daycare at age 3 for kissing a girl. I’ve always been a romantic at heart. Boys/men aren’t "supposed" to be that way though. Fuck that, I was the kid who wrote love poems in 6th grade.

You won’t believe this, but I actually wrote a love poem to my wife Erin when we were 10...she wasn’t my wife at the time though. Just a huge crush. The wife part, yeah that happened 17 years later.

Who I was before the world told me who to be was...

A little person with a voracious attitude towards life. 

Unfortunately though, a lot of people (adults) told me I was too much. Told me to slow down. Scolded me for my rambunctiousness. Tried to put me in a box. 

I think that is why I became an avid athlete at multiple sports.

I had no idea how to handle my emotions as a kid. To be honest, I never felt like much of a kid. I always had a knack for understanding things above and beyond what was in front of me. If you ask my parents, they can attest that this is good & bad when you have a child. You could never lie to me because I knew things well beyond my years.

This left me feeling alone a lot of the time. In limbo between childhood and adulthood. As an adult, I can reflect and I think this loneliness is what led me to put so much energy onto the field, court, stadium, whatever sport and place I was playing on during any given day. 

When I played, I was in complete flow state. Nobody to tell me how to be, what to do, or who I should be. I just got to go out and BALL.

What sucks though...as you get into high school, that ball becomes less important for most people. Everyone starts talking about college, jobs, careers, adulthood. 

But wtf happened to just being a kid and being able to ball out for the things you love, and the people you love to be around? 

Somewhere along the lines I lost who I truly was at my core. With the pressure of sports, studying to get grades, and work part-time to have some type of cash for a life, there was no time for CJ.

And because I was losing who I was deep down at my core, I couldn't say no to things that did not serve me, aka I said yes to everything and found myself drunk, high, or a mix of the both most of the time.

If you can relate you know that ^^^ this path does not lead to someone finding themselves. Rather, it further diminishes the person who is trying to hold themselves in tact.

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This is just a little bit about WHO I was before the world told me who I should be. My life has changed drastically over the years. I moved to 5 cities within a 3 year span, married my dream girl, became a full-time entrepreneur, and have gotten to surround myself with some of the most amazing people in the world in Austin Texas.

But it didn't come without many bumps in the road along the way. The biggest bump? Having to look at myself in the mirror and realize I was letting myself down. I wasn't owning my truest self, and striving to reach the potential that I know I had/have.

So I ask you again,

"who were you before the world told you who you should become?!?"

I have found writing out my story has been extremely helpful for me to understand myself, be more present in the moment, but also help me strive for the future story I wish to tell. Maybe it can do the same for YOU!

#thriveon

CJ