Last week I was speaking and teaching a fair bit. . .it’s the Fall and my schedule is generally very busy with classes and conferences. As a part of this experience, I meet many people who are dissatisfied at work by how they are treated. 

I am intrigued by the decision to stay where we are undervalued, under-appreciated and generally taken advantage of. I am ashamed to say that this was me for many years and I see it still as a temptation for many of us to ‘win’ our paychecks from week to week while tolerating toxic connections and broken ways of working. 

What is it about our jobs that make us feel trapped?

Everyday, we have a choice to do what we do. Everyday. The offer of money as an exchange for your time and talent is still a transaction that YOU are in charge of. An organization and a boss do not give you authority; YOU have authority to give to them. . .intrinsically. You serve their needs as a choice in exchange for compensation, both fiscal and otherwise. It is a transaction model that YOU are the boss of. 

If you are reading this and you are THE boss, you know this to be true, Even if you rule your staff with a proverbial iron fist, you know that your control only goes so far. And, in this day and age, your rule is short-lived with the newest generations entering the workforce not tolerating your leadership.

In response to some of the questions I receive when I am speaking on the topics of communication strategies for managing difficult stakeholders, I like to propose building relationships at work that honour our humanity. Like the infographic I posted a week ago, “7 Questions to Ask Your Co-Workers Instead of ‘How Are You’?” Laying a foundation of deeper connection in our workplaces can help reduce toxicity and remind us that we hold the authority to be present and invested in the people around us. Our influence over them can be transformative and it starts with curiosity and openness.

Asking someone about their hobby means seeing them in a different light. Finding out what's important to them in the moment means going deeper to focus on value. Sharing the books or shows you’ve been watching can mean building bridges towards levity or just expanding your awareness of things you might also enjoy. None of these details are lost or without value. In short, they deepen our connections to one another and make us feel. When we feel, we are reminded of our humanity and the humanity of others and work should be littered with that. 

When we honour our humanity, we don’t tolerate toxicity the same way. Both for ourselves and also for others. When we leverage our authority to get to know the people around us, we build connections that are irreplaceable when times are tough. 

So, in keeping with this theme, “what were the best things that happened to you this week?”

Amber (aka The Feisty PM)