Today marks another year of self-awareness growth as tomorrow is my birthday. I am saddened to say that I am still partially imprisoned by the expectations of others although with age, as I gain wisdom, I am gradually caring less. 

It was brought to my attention recently that what I post and write on social media can be provocative. Let me tell you, I STILL edit myself before posting anything so imagine how provocative I would be if I really wrote what I was thinking?!? (insert maniacal laugh) For those of you who think I am pushing the boundaries, I am, but I could actually go much further.

So, why do I edit myself? Fear of what people will think? Sometimes. But mostly, because I don’t want to be embarrassed in the future. You see, I have a habit of being wrong. Very wrong. About my beliefs and convictions about all sorts of things. In full transparency, I thought I would compile a short list of things that I’ve gotten wrong in the past. Here are just a few areas in my life that I have had to ‘eat crow’:

• Traditional forms of organizational leadership and their benefits;
• Adhering to waterfall project management planning;
• My daily use of plastics;
• My belief about why people get divorced;
• The idea that social media is a fad that’s going to go away;
• That self care is for gurus and navel gazers that never accomplish anything;
• That people are valuable only if they agree with you;
• My political party is the best one they represent the truth;
• My lifestyle choices don’t affect climate change;
• My childhood religion is the only true religion;
•  And so on and so on. . . .

You may laugh at some or be horrified by others but I can tell you that where I stand in these areas today is not as concrete as where I stood in the past. Today? I’m just trying to be present so I can feel what’s real around me and speak the truth of where I am at today.

Do I want to provoke people? You bet. Why, you ask? Because the only way I changed was to be challenged. And not just by circumstance but also by people. Voices whom I trusted and many that I did not. Both sides of every argument became worthy of my attention in my journey of transformation. I had to relegate my ego to listen and learn what I might not have been able to see from my concrete stance.

So, perhaps this year, as a new commitment to my self care journey, I will endeavour to care even less about how much I edit myself. I certainly do not want to cause division or harm but I recognize that my need to be uncomfortable to change is actually an important part of how I’ve grown.

Here’s to being more of myself this year. And please, if my boldness makes you uncomfortable, share with me why. I promise that your perspective is valuable in my journey, even if I don’t agree with you and I know that by you sharing it, we are both made wiser and stronger,

Happy Birthday to me,

Amber (a.k.a. The Feisty PM)