Today is a big day for me. . .it’s my 29th wedding anniversary. I know, it's not traditionally a milestone year but I think it’s important to be impressed with just how hard it is to have stayed together this long. As I reflect on the reasons to be in a committed, long term relationship, there are less reasons in today's society than there were 29 years ago. 

29 years ago, I didn’t feel I had the choice. That’s right, I felt I had NO CHOICE. It was made abundantly clear to us both that if we decided to stay together, we would have to marry. Both of our families carried conservative world views and, if we wanted to live together and build a life together, that meant we had to be married. No if, ams or buts. 

Today, as a mother of two young adults, I would never even dream of putting that pressure on my kids but, things have changed. I have changed. And, so has my spouse.

We often joke about getting a divorce just on principle. . .kinda like our own protest toward the rigidity with which we married under. Imagine telling my family or his that we were getting a divorce? Not because we didn't love each other but because we know that love does not require a manmade contract or paper commitment that the church AND state sanction. Kinda a way to stick it to them for making us do it all those years ago. . .believe me, the thought is appealing. 

The things is, neither of us regret marrying all those years ago but it’s f$%#ing hard to still be together. Harder than any project this PM has ever managed. And as a project, the competing constraints and risk log is vast. Even more complicated is that we have to measure up to the expectations of those around us. 

Not exactly the praise for marriage you were likely expecting to get from me, right? I know I project a level of optimism towards life and work that can be saccharin sometimes as it is generally my nature to look for the good and focus on opportunities. Today, as I reflect on the truth of what it feels like to be with someone for so long, I see that it is likely that optimism that has made it work. And, we still love each other. Or, what is more likely is that we love each other now and we didn’t really know what we felt for each other back then. I know it was exciting and affirming to be pleasing everyone around us. But now, we genuinely have something to show for all the hard work. 29 years of story that is inextricably linked to one another. Having that doesn’t guarantee that it will last another 29 years but it’s comforting to have it today.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart,

Amber (aka The Feisty PM)