Expectations can be tricky. If we hold them as life goals, they can help us strive and thrive to success. But, if we hold them over ourselves and others, they can be destructive. So, what can we do about lowering our expectations of ourselves and others?

I have to remember that before expecting something out of somebody else, I need to have actually conquered the goal myself. It's the notion that if I don’t have first hand experience and knowledge of something, I shouldn’t act like I do. When I expect something of someone else, I can be tempted to take the upper hand and elevate myself over them. Which, if I'm the expert, might be warranted but often that isn’t the case. (And, for those experts reading this, PLEASE teach, lead and support them to accomplish what you’re expecting.) 

BUT, before expecting something from someone, I need to ask myself "Why do I have this expectation of another person?" Is it to honour them and their gifts or is it to serve me and my ego? Am I treating them as I would want to be treated? Or, are my expectations of them just setting them up for failure?" 

I have tried to shift my approach to expectations of others by turning my expectations of others onto myself. I ask myself: "What do I expect of myself, and what can I do to improve myself? In identifying what I expect of me, I automatically get distracted from focusing on other people. It’s self awareness work and it’s the most important thing you can do to help your career and life as ultimately, you only have control over your own behavior so you might as well become the master of you.

The moment I feel disappointed because another person did not come through for me I literally say to myself, "It's not for me to have those expectations on that other person." (Believe me, this is VERY hard to do. . .especially when it’s my family or friends.) Just the act of letting myself know that I’m not supposed to have high expectations of the other person automatically helps me handle and cope with the disappointment. I might still ‘hate’ it but at least I’m living in the real world instead of the one I create in my mind where I get my way and everyone does everything I want all the time. . .

What about you? What do you do to lower your expectations of yourself and others? 

Amber (a.k.a. The Feisty PM)