Book: Never Split the Difference

Category: Negotiations

Chapter: 2

Hello ,

Welcome to our newsletter, where we delve into the world of negotiation and uncover the valuable insights presented in Chris Voss's book, Never Split the Difference. In this edition, we'll focus on Chapter Two: "Be a Mirror."

First, a quick summary of chapter one: Chris Voss is a former FBI hostage negotiator and sets the stage for the book's focus on negotiation strategies. Voss emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence, active listening, and tactical empathy (all talked about later) in achieving successful outcomes. He highlights the significance of understanding and managing emotions, as well as labeling (another tool for later) them to build rapport and foster productive conversations. Now, onto this week’s ReChap!

Voss introduces a fresh perspective on negotiation, highlighting that a great negotiator, instead of simply being prepared for surprises, searches for them early and often. Rather than passively reacting to unexpected twists, they skillfully use their expertise to reveal the surprises, which in turn, reveal hidden opportunities. Surprises are certain to be present in every negotiation and often hold the key to sealing or breaking a deal.

The author encourages us to view any prior assumptions and judgments (whether by ourselves or others) as hypotheses rather than fact, subjecting them to rigorous testing to prove or debunk their validity. Chris Voss says, “Negotiation is not a battlefield; it's a process of discovery.” The goal is to gather as much information as possible, unraveling the mysteries that lie beneath the surface.

To achieve success in negotiations, Voss emphasizes the importance of silencing the voices in our heads. This is done by shifting our focus solely to the other person and their perspective. By slowing down and using silence as a tool we make others feel heard and valued. More specifically he says, “Slow. It. Down. Rushing can make people feel unheard.”

Did you know that a simple smile can make people more collaborative? When using a smile for negotiation it's best to have authentic happiness, because that radiates and fosters a positive atmosphere. If you’re just smiling because a book told you to, the counterpart’s bs detector might go off. By acknowledging that you are taking proactive steps to solve a problem, you can boost your own morale and inspire others to engage constructively.

Voss introduces the powerful and easy, yet vital, technique of mirroring. To make use of this tool we subtly repeat the last 1-3 words, or the most critical 1-3 words spoken to us. This simple act helps to build rapport, keep the conversation flowing, buy more time, and gain valuable insights. This is one of the FBIs main tools for negotiation, and is the biggest takeaway from the chapter.

Another intriguing concept discussed is the "late-night FM DJ voice." By adopting a deep, calm, slow, and reassuring tone, we create an atmosphere of safety and trustworthiness without triggering defensive responses. This is the second biggest takeaway from the chapter.

Finally, Voss shares his five-step method for confronting challenges and getting your way without confrontation. They are as follows:

1. Use the late-night FM DJ voice
2. Start with “I’m Sorry…”
3. Mirror
4. Pause at least four seconds for the mirror to work its magic
5. Repeat

Here is what we covered:

1. Surprises are certain. Find them and you may have found your opportunity.
2. Any prior judgements/assumptions are only hypotheses until proven.
3. The goal is to continue the conversation by using the tools taught in the book to gather as much information as possible. Eventually your window will open.
4. Slow. It. Down.
5. Silence, when deployed properly, is a helpful tool.
6. Do your best to be in a good state of mind so you can smile genuinely.
7. Mirror by repeating that most critical 1-3 words of what was said to you.
8. Employ the late-night FM DJ voice by inflecting your voice downward and not rushing.

Intrigued? Stay tuned for next week's newsletter, where we'll dive into Chapter Three: “Don’t Feel Their Pain, Label it.”

Wishing you successful negotiations and newfound insights.

GO EXECUTE

Sincerely,

Team Rechap