Learn:  Musterbation, comfort zone, teacher question

Read: 3 mins

Greetings from Rio,

One thing I’m working on right now is my self-talk around what I “should” do in different moments. 

I view most things as problems or tasks to be completed. Sometimes this is useful. (“I should start a blog and a newsletter.”)

Other times it’s exhausting. (“I should learn Spanish, should start a side hustle, should try more songwriting.”)

It’s a weird self-judgment thing about wanting to improve or something. Not sure, but I should get better at it soon. (ahh dammit!) 

Here are 3 improvement nuggets of the week. 

🧠 Musterbation

Psychotherapist Albert Ellis developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) in the 1950’s around the same time he coined the term “musterbation.”

It’s the irrational belief that we must do things a certain way or should have certain standards. Also known as "shoulding" ourselves. 

“The relentless voice that lives in your brain, ruling your mind and life, bludgeoning you with oppressive words such as must, should, ought, and have to:” says psychotherapist and author Bryan Robinson. 

He offers a useful tip on how to interact with this voice:

“Imagine someone scolding you over your cell phone, and you hold the phone away from your ear…Instead of fighting your Musturbully or pushing it away, observe it with curiosity much as you might notice a blemish on your hand. Then try talking to it as a separate part of you.”

You should read more on it here. 

Here's a link if you want to read more (and it's all good if you don't!)

⏭️ Feels Like

When not used to being confident, confidence feels like arrogance. 

When not used to being assertive, assertiveness feels like aggression. 

When not used to getting support, asking for help feels like failure.

When not used to getting your needs met, prioritizing yourself feels selfish.

Your comfort zone is not a good benchmark. 

(I reworded and added one, but original source from Dr. Vassilia.)

 Helped, Heard, or Hugged

I love this simple question teachers ask children if their overwhelmed: 

“Do you want to be helped, heard, or hugged?”

Works great on adults too. :) 

Abrazos, 

Mitchell aka "should put something clever here"

Ps. No pasta