Bridge Fear - by Maryellen Harper
Jan 26, 2023 11:31 am
Hi ,
Raise your hand if you still sometimes feel totally paralyzed with fear when playing bridge? I'm always amazed at how many of us still wrestle with this feeling from time to time - and, even though so many of us do, how hard it is to talk about!
I'm very happy to share a new post written by Maryellen Harper - whom many of you will know from her hosting of Jack, Adam, and Curt's lessons. I hope you'll read it and share your own experiences - and coping tools! - on our Facebook or Youtube pages.
Nicely done, Maryellen! You put words to such a common experience that can be difficult to talk about. ~Bajir
♠♥♦♣
Bridge Fear by Maryellen Harper
I used to play bridge with a woman who played so slowly, I found it difficult to play with her. It wasn’t just playing the hand. It was bidding, it was leading after the dummy went down, it was deciding to draw trumps or not draw trumps. It was everything. It was brutal to be in dummy when she was declarer. If she had 10 trumps and the opponents led a suit we were void in, she would hem and haw, “should I trump this Ace, or hang on to these trumps?” It seemed like every decision was a debate, a delay. I wanted to scream, ‘Trump that Ace!” when it was so obvious that was the correct move to make. I found it hard to sit quietly in dummy.
When I would play with that partner, I would tell myself things like, “be patient, be kind” or “you’re slow sometimes too, give her time.” However, by the fourth or fifth hand, my self-talk turned into, “this is ridiculous” or worst yet, “OMG! Will you just pick a card and play!” I was often frustrated and irritated.
Then one day, she couldn’t play, and I was paired with a very experienced player. He was the director of another bridge club and had been playing bridge for over 40 years. I knew he was a great bridge player, and I was somewhat intimidated.
Almost from hand one, I struggled. At one point I found myself in a strange bidding sequence that I most certainly didn’t intend or understand. Then our opponents doubled. And we were vulnerable. I believe we ended up in a 6NT doubled, vulnerable contact with me as the declarer.
With shaking hands and a racing heart, I played that hand. I played incredibly slowly. I was the worst version of a slow player. Shuffling and reshuffling my cards. Touching one card, then pulling back and moving another card in my hand. Shifting my position back and forth in my chair. Then, after a particularly bad move, making groaning noises when the opponents took the lead. The opponents should have called the director on me as I was breaking every bridge rule I knew. Playing super slow, touching, and retouching my cards, groaning as I played, etc. I realized that I was terrified. I couldn’t think straight, my mouth was dry, I couldn’t seem to breathe normally, and I felt lightheaded. I think I was having a bridge panic attack.
After it was all over and I was safe at home, all I could think about was my slow bridge partner. I behaved very much like she does. Could she be afraid, and that’s why she plays so slowly and hesitates before each move? It was a true lightbulb moment for me. What if my partner is just as afraid of playing each hand as I was when I played that horrible 6nt contract? What if all her hesitation and slowness is just bridge fear?
It's terrible to feel afraid. Fear is debilitating and truly a horrible feeling when playing a game you love. I know for me, I can’t play at my best when I’m terrified of making a mistake, or looking foolish, or failing my contract, or disappointing my partner, etc. So, what can we do when that horrible emotion overtakes us?
There are a few things I try to do when in the throws of fear while playing:
- Take deep breaths and try to calm my breathing.
- Remind myself I’m truly doing my best and forgive myself for the mistakes I’m making.
- Remind myself this is a game and I’m over exaggerating my emotions.
- Tell myself everyone has been where I am at some point while playing.
For those of us who may not feel the fear I’m referring to but may witness this in another player, simply acknowledging and understanding the situation for what it is, is half the battle. I’m sure there are many people who play slowly for different reasons. However, once you identify fear as the reason for extreme slowness or hesitation, encouragement is always helpful. Reinforcing positive plays and making supportive comments may help. Letting the fearful player know they’re ok and you’ve been where they are.
What do you do when experiencing bride fear? Please leave your comments on our Facebook or Youtube pages:
Happiness in Bridge,
Maryellen
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