Adam’s World Weekly 3/30

It’s been a whole week without my dad, and time feels very different to me.

While I was grieving the loss of my mother, and being a full-time caregiver to my father, there never seemed to be enough hours in the day. Every minute was accounted for as I was at the hospital, or rehab facility, talking to doctors, and nurses, and doing everything I could for my dad, while also attempting to come to terms with the loss of my mom, and run their household in addition to my own.

To put in perspective just how manic I was, one afternoon I had to go to the bathroom, and my first thought was – this wasn’t in the plans, and it’s going to really alter the day.

Yes, taking a few minutes to do something every human being needs to do was going to throw off my schedule.

Nothing about that lifestyle was healthy, but I knew it was temporary. I figured one day my dad would get well, and life would make its way back to normal.

Of course, my dad didn’t get well, and with his passing my life didn’t get a chance to return to normal, but everything about time changed, and changed radically.

I suddenly went from not having enough hours in the day, to having way too many hours in the day.

All the time I had spent on his care, and in his room with him, suddenly became hours and hours of stillness, and I’ve been sitting in that stillness.

Normally I would bury myself in my writing, or pick up a book and read for hours on end, but neither has felt right. Just existing has been enough. Heck, just existing has felt like an effort.

One afternoon, as the sun went down, and I was on the sofa in a slowly darkening room, I thought, “I should turn on a light,” but barely had the energy to get up, and do it.

A friend tried to tell me it gets better. Having just experienced the tragedy of losing my mom ten months prior, I replied no it doesn’t, but it gets different.

Much like my manic full time caregiver role was temporary, so is the stillness I’m experiencing now.

One thing I’ll say is that I feel no need to rush through this. However long it takes for me to figure out the next phase of my life is fine. The constants will be writing, and fitness, and I’m hoping to get to spend more time with friends.

What I won’t do is disappear.

Moving to this week’s articles, disappear is exactly what the subject of my latest One Hit Wondering column has done multiple times, and for a decade or more each time. The artist is A’me Lorain, and her story is a fascinating mystery that required some serious sleuthing to put together.

That article leads off this week’s update.

I also have fresh editions of Pop Shots, and my NYC Scene Report, for you to check out, as well.

Read the full article here

Read the full column here

Read the full column here

As always, thanks for reading, and please be kind to each other.

– Adam Bernard